Thanksgiving roundup

Thanksgiving was wonderful this year, truly a holiday of giving thanks for us.

Just two years ago Rob and I were alone for Thanksgiving dinner and I was still recovering from my ankle reconstruction surgery. He had been laid off just months before. I made the whole big dinner anyway, even though it was us and we decorated because to not do it would have been even more pathetic. But when it came time to serve the big meal and it was just the two of us, like every other day, it was just sad. We ate quickly and were glad to just put it behind us.

Later that night Dena and Tresa came over and I gave them some vegetarian food I'd made -- I always stuff squash for Dena for the main dish and there are so many side dishes that she had plenty to eat. We had a great time with them and were able to stop feeling so sorry for ourselves.

On the other hand, this year we had everybody back -- Sean, Gen and Kaia, Lindsay & Ryan, Dennis (Kim had to work), Tresa and her boyfriend Dylan, Dena and Chris and Colin came later when he got off work. There were eight dogs underfoot, as well as the two cats, who were avoiding everything. It was just the insanity I crave for a great holidays=.

Here is my report from Chowhound reposted: Topic, good, bad ugly of Thanksgiving dinner:

For me the good was the locally grown, free-range organic turkey, which was great. It was a lot bigger than I wanted, almost 25 pounds, but we ended up with more people, so alls well... The cranberry sauce made with merlot was really quite delicious. I made well over 7 pounds of potatoes and people were fighting over them. Amazing. They're clamoring for more.
The bad: I used King Arthur white whole wheat flour for my pie crusts and it was a battle the whole way. I had to resort to wax paper to even get them to stick together when I rolled them out. Then they looked really dark to the point of being burnt when they cooked. The taste, however was very good and they weren't burnt. The pie filling was the **Cooks Illustrated pumpkin pie recipe with sweet potato, which I doubled, and I don't blind-bake the crusts as recommended because I'm not very good at it. They came out amazing, even though Cooks Illustrated recipes are written by people who have never had to wash their own dishes -- seriously could they make you take more steps with more bowls? We had a young man from Australia here who had his first pumpkin pie ever and he scarfed the whole slice. My nephew, who professes to hate pie (how can you hate pie? It's like saying you hate sunshine?) was converted by my apple pie ala mode (had to give him a familiar taste to bridge to the pie. I used pink lady and granny smith locally grown organic apples and they were amazing.
The ugly: creamed onions started well but ended up brown looking. They tasted OK if you didn't look too hard.

**Here is my adapted Cooks Illustrated pumpkin pie recipe. I've changed so much that I need to write it down b/c each year I spend half my time trying to figure out what I meant.

I changed it substantially because I disagree with some of the postulates -- like the cutback on pumpkin pie spices to "let the taste of the squash" shine through. Um no. I eat pumpkin pie FOR the spices, and I want the filling to provide a custard-y squash-y background. I also like to make double recipes. And I rarely blind bake my crusts because I've never been successful no matter what I've done.
What's really cool about this recipe is that the filling is much creamier and doesn't crack, making for a really lovely silky pie.

No-crack pumpkin Pie (Heavily adapted from Cooks Illustrated)

Crust
2 1/2 cups white unbleached flour
1 teaspoon table salt
2 tablespoons sugar
1 stick unsalted butter cut into pieces
1 cup lard cut into pieces
2 tablespoons cold vodka (this is a Cooks Illustrated innovation that works wonderfully and doesn't leave any taste in the crust, but leaves it crumbly and melt-in-your-mouth delicious)
2 tablespoons cold water

Filling
2 cups heavy cream
2 cups whole milk
5 jumbo eggs plus 2 yolks
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 large 29-ounce can pumpkin puree
1 small can candied yams, drained
1/4 cup maple syrup
1 1/2 cups sugar
3 teaspoons (1 tablespoon) dried ginger
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon (or more)
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
3/4 teaspoon ground cloves
1 teaspoon table salt

1 cup heavy cream
vanilla and almond extracts to taste
2 tablespoons sugar

For the crust: Process flour salt and sugar in food processor, add butter and lard until it homogeneous and it's just starting to come together in lumps about 10 pulses. Scrape bowl down with rubber spatula and pulse again a few times. Add vodka, pulse then add water. Turn out and pull together into two equal size balls. Shape into 1-inch thick discs and refrigerate at least an hour. Roll out and line pie pans, crimp edges.

For the filling: Whisk cream, milk, eggs, yolks and vanilla in a medium bowl. Combine pumpkin puree, yams, sugar, maple syrup in heavy bottomed saucepan. Bring to sputtering simmer stirring over medium heat 5 to 7 minutes. Continue to simmer pumpkin mixture, stirring constantly, mashing yams against the sides of a pot for 10 to 15 minutes or until the mixture is thick and shiny.
Remove pan from heat and stir in cream mixture until thoroughly incorporated. Blend with an immersible blender until smooth. Divide filing between the two crusts. Bake in 425 oven for 15 minutes and reduce heat to 325 for about 25 to 35 minutes or until the pies are set on the edges and are just a little jiggly in the middle. Cool overnight and serve with heavy cream whipped and flavored with sugar, vanilla, almond (or bourbon) spread over the top (although we used to do this to hide the cracks and I don't have to now, but I still like the whipped cream spread evenly in a layer. it's the way my dad id it and it reminds me of my childhood.

Christmas with Oney and Gwindae

Lawrence, me, Denice (nicknamed Niecie by me), Rodger on Christmas morning @1965.

Denice got to be the baby Jesus and later on her baby brother Dennis assumed the role. There were lots of snickers at the time, but it was most likely closer to the historical truth.

I dream about this house still. It affected me so deeply. It was my grandmother's chef d'oeuvre. She decorated every square inch and it was quite lovely. It was also quite grand and is probably the reason that to this day I feel I should be rich.

I found out this week that my daughter, her husband and my grandsons are coming out to visit right after Christmas through the New Year. While I'm greedy and would love them here during Christmas, I'm so excited to have them out during the holidays -- it's the first time after two years off, I don't mind (too much). With Lindsay pregnant with grandchild no. 3, I started thinking about my Christmases when I was growing up.

I went digging through some old pictures my Aunt Anne gave me shortly after my grandfather died and scanned some of them and uploaded them to Flickr and put a few here.

Christmases at my grandparents home in Greenwich, Conn., were magical. My grandmother would buy some kind of giant blue spruce that she special-ordered. It would take up the entire front foyer part of their house -- a place that was meant to double as a dance floor. The tree reached to the ceiling, which was at least 14 feet. My grandmother used only blue lights and tinsel, along with the decorations. I especially remember silver cornucopias filled with candy. There was a music box dealie with kids singing "Hark the Herald Angels Sing" under the tree. I found one years later very similar made of ceramic, but unfortunately it was destroyed.

My grandparents were very religious, so our Christmases were replete with observations of the Christ child's birth. We would do a Nativity play each year and I got to play the virgin Mary. My brother Rodger was Joseph and Lawrence was a shepherd or a Wise Man or whatever. A couple of years we enlisted the aid of the caretaker couple who lived in the house and cleaned up after and served my grandparents, to everyone's snickering amusement.

Even as a young child I had trouble getting my mind around the fact that David and Ethelyne would share in our Christmas morning then they had to put on uniforms and wait on us during Christmas dinner. One year I angrily accused my grandfather of having slaves when he told me they didn't pay David and Ethelyne, they gave them free room and board -- which meant they lived in the half-finished attic and took care of the house. Eventually David and Ethelyne moved out. They had two young children and felt it would be better to raise them in their own apartment rather than in some rich people's attic.

I remember Christmas mornings. We would get up way too early and be sent back to bed a zillion times. We weren't allowed downstairs by the tree until my grandfather checked to see if Santa was there. We were told if we caught Santa he would leave and take all of our presents with him, so my grandfather would have to shoo him away if he were still there. Actually, we realized years alter, he just wanted to turn on the tree lights.

Most of the adults went to midnight Mass and then we would go to mass on Christmas morning. My grandmother always put the orange juice in the blender which created an orange foam. I still do this with my orange juice. She also served Sara Lee coffee cakes, which I till serve.

After my parents divorced, my dad would come and get us on Christmas day and drive us to his house in Binghampton, N.Y. Everyone would always make a fuss about it and my mom would go on about how my dad just picked us up on Christmas because he was selfish and stubborn. Looking back I realize that for him to interrupt his Christmas to drive three hours each way to collect our bratty little asses, was a huge act of love.

Even through my dad's trees were never grand and there weren't always as many presents, we always would have a great time. My dad and stepmom were so poor their first few Christmases together that they would get the Christmas tree on Christmas Eve because they often could get it for free or close to it. Dad would tell us how it was traditional in some countries to put up the tree of Christmas Eve. Then they would decorate it with all-edible ornaments. That way they only bought lights.

Dad would make sugar cookies and gingerbread men. There was candy ribbon (It's the cheapest candy you can buy and it looks pretty) candy canes and popcorn balls. Then dad would go crazy and make his toffee and his soft candy. He would toast nuts and put them all over the place. There were always bowls of stuff to nibble on. Dad is also not religious at all, so there was little mention of that. There was, however, lots of TV because my mom never let us watch it, so we were TV addicts when we got to my dad's house. Of course the fact that we were insanely destructive when we weren't watching TV meant that we were allowed to watch as much as we wanted.

There was only one year it snowed too much for dad to make it and we spent Christmas day sledding on the front hill at my grandparent's house, the only time I remember doing that.

Now it's my turn to make Christmas memories with my grandsons. Although we get a tall tree, it will never compare with my grandparent's tree, but then I will never be as wealthy as my grandparents. What we lack in money we more than make up for in real, unpretentious love. We decorate the house from top to bottom and our Christmas meal is as good as you'll find anywhere, but we don't have anyone serving us.

I have always enjoyed a more spiritual Christmas than the ones we have now, but my problems with my faith run deep and I have trouble reconciling my beliefs with the teachings of the church. This doesn't stop me from singing Christmas carols and fulling embracing the day. I have a much more pantheistic view of things anyway, so our traditional walk on the beach with the dogs serves that purpose, although last year there were high winds and a sandstorm that lessened the joy of the experience considerably.

I want my grandsons' memories of Christmas with grandmom to be ones of warmth and joy. I can't wait until we can have our traditional Christmas Story, White Christmas and It's a Wonderful Life with Rob complaining the whole time about all of it. I want to give them our stocking traditions and feed them a breakfast of whipped orange juice, Sara Lee coffee cake and ham and eggs.

We always have so much fun with Courtney and Dave and I love to watch them relax and enjoy themselves. We have a bunch of fun things for the boys to do -- after all it is Southern California, the Entertainment Capital of the World. I can't believe how happy and excited I am to have a chance to give these boys holiday memories to cherish as I do mine.

What if

What if you woke up and you realized that you actually wanted to get out of bed? What if you actually believed it would be a great day? What if instead of constant gnawing fear you actually are feeling hopeful?

I've been feeling especially lucky lately. I just found out that Lindsay is pregnant. She and Ryan have been trying to conceive. It's early yet, but hopefully everything will be OK. Tthe idea of having a grandchild living nearby is exciting. I couldn't love Cody and Alex more and it breaks my heart that we don't live closer. I feel so cheated out of their lives. And even though having a grandchild nearby does nothing to alleviate the distance from the boys, perhaps it will take some of the sting off.

I'm already looking forward to years of county fairs -- we'll have to take pictures on the ponies like we did for Kaia. Then there are all the fun things about growing up -- school performances, Little League (which is almost guaranteed) and there's no downside. No stretch marks, no morning sickness.

With that to look forward to, there's also the joy of writing, which I'm doing pretty much full time these days. I'm realizing that it was a huge mistake to have ever stopped writing, and it feels so good to have it back. Not only that, but I'm having such a great time driving all around Ventura County getting to know people and learning all about this place. Ventura County is one of the most beautiful places in the world and I regularly am covering events from the beach and to the mountains and everywhere in between.

The people I'm meeting are amazing too. I don't think I was ever fully aware of how many people in this world work very hard to make it a better place, whether they give their time and money to creating an art gallery and haven for the poor Hispanic young people in Oxnard or they're working on a holiday to make sure the hungry get fed. I meet artists who are bringing beauty to the community and people who are trying to help the homeless.

When I'm not going face to face, I'm at all the fun events I've always been too lazy to visit. Long ago, I used to actually take pads of paper and take notes when I would go places, just to keep a record in case I wanted to write about it later. It was ridiculously pretentious and silly, but now I do it because it's how I make a living.

It's hard to let go of the gripping fear that so dominated the past few years. We've had so many things go wrong and we haven't known from week to week how we were going to make it through. It's not something you dwell on because it will consume you, but the terror is there all the time. In some ways it's very focusing, but I'd rather focus on more enjoyable things, like the name for my new grandchild.

Lindsay, apparently thinks Rob's and my name suggestions for the baby, Falcon Guzik for a boy or Ooga Guzik for a girl are "silly." She obviously doesn't recognize creative genius.

Rob has yet to forgive his parents, and by extension the world, for the lie perpetrated on him when he was 4 and his parents promised him they would name his new little brother Dewey because then it would be Huey, Louie and Dewey for Rick, Rob and -- well Dewey. His parents assured him that his brother had been named Dewey, and when he found out they had lied and he was actually named Jon, Rob knew that no one should ever be trusted again. A hard lesson to learn at 4. They tried to tell him that his brother Jon's middle names was Dewey (it's David), but Rob found out that too was a fabrication. This time, Rob has vowed, his wishes will not be thwarted.

Rob also says we will probably get in a car wreck, but I already got hit by a truck, so I shouldn't be due for a while (knock on wood.) Rob's back in school and loving it and the master chorale is really fun this year now that I'm getting to know people better.

I'm working on my weight, realizing that with my fragile legs, the more weight I'm carrying the more difficult it will be for me to walk in coming years.Both Rob and I are trying to eat a healthier diet overall. I've lost 40 pounds so far and am wearing all of my thin clothes. But I have to lose more weight because any extra weight at all is a really bad idea as I age.

So now there's not always a crushing sense of despair when all the sleep has been slept out and there's no choice but to get up and face whatever disaster lurks or head off whatever calamity threatens. Progress. Wonderful.

Been away for a while

I've been on a vampire jag lately. I first decide I was interested in reading the Sookie Stackhouse series because I enjoy the HBO series True Blood, even though the acting is wooden and atrocious (Anna Paquin is truly awful). I bought one of the books and they're kind of like literary fast food, tasty, but they leave you a little queasy and hungry at the same time.

I was able to breeze through the eight books in paperback. They read like romance novels, but with vampires, so that's no great feat. Then, because Lindsay had recommended them, I moved on to the Twilight series, which isn't much better written, but is compelling nonetheless.

It's been awhile since I let myself get caught up in reading, which is partly because I don't see as well as I once did, so I get inpatient because my eyes can't keep up with my reading speed, but I found a spot where I could see well and am relatively comfortable.

***

We finally went out a got a replacement oven after the last one burned itself out. FYI Kenmore wall ovens suck. We bought a bare bones model after we realized and all the service repairmen concurred that the self-cleaning feature, which basically gets rid of dirt by burning it off, toasts the electronic components.

This has meant a return to roasted food, including my amazing chicken. Tonight I finally got around to making some cookies. It's been so long since the house smelled like baking.