Gettin' down in the kitchen

My grandparents had big aspirations. They had reinvented themselves, my grandfather shrugging off his immigrant Irish background to become a much more refined Scot. They had lost their humble Minnesota beginnings and lived a life of privilege. But my grandfather, a devout Catholic, was never truly content with his wealth and there was always an underlying air of fear -- fear that he didn't deserve his riches.

My grandparents had a grand house in Greenwich, Conn., and our holiday meals were always formal affairs, with a multitude of dishes served to us by the live-in couple David and Ethelyne, who wore uniforms and served us out of sterling silver dishes.

Our meals were served elegantly. The conversation was light, interesting and very proper. Table manners had to be scrupulously adhered to. My grandmother had a little bell she would ring when it was time for the next course, and David and Ethelyne would come in and clear plates and serve the next dish efficiently and gracefully.

For a child, these were exhausting affairs. You always had to look out for the dirty look, which mom tended more toward with each glass of the copious wine. I could never wait until the dinner, with each portion kept carefully modest, would end and I could escape to the kitchen and hang out with David and Ethelyne.

Because I was a child, they felt no reservations about sliding into their natural black patois from the carefully modulated and unfailingly polite tones they used with my grandparents. David would laugh and dance and tickle Ethelyne, who would giggle, and gesture reprovingly at me, over picking at the turkey. And David would make some kind of inclusive statement like "Oh she doesn't mind" or something and I would laugh -- real belly laughs, as they went back and forth, and feel a sense of inclusion.

David and Ethelyne lived in the half-finished attic (it was kind of summer house-y, exposed lumber walls) with their two children, who were both born while they worked for my grandparents, Dennis and Denise, who I dubbed Niecy after a girl in my class. I had found out -- because I had asked, I was always asking questions -- that my grandparents gave David and Ethelyne a home in exchange for their work. I was incensed. I accused them of being "slaveholders." It was so unbelievably unfair to me that these people had to live in the unfinished attic, while my grandparents lived in their elegantly appointed, tastefully decorated, antiques-filled home below.

Eventually David and Ethelyne also decided that this wasn't the way they wanted to raise their children and they moved out. I had heard that Dennis got some awful disease and my grandfather made sure they had money to pay for treatments. My grandfather always made sure the people he hired in his home were taken care of. He gave the young Filipino grandson of the couple who lived with him and helped care for him at the end of his life the same amount of money as he gave his grandchildren. I say that totally without rancor -- it was HIS money -- but as an illustration of my grandfather's egalitarian impulses toward the end of his life.

By then the guilt of his money had become overwhelming and my grandfather ended up giving most of it to the church. He was very defensive about this when I last saw him. But, hey it was his money to do with as he pleased. By this time I had discovered real poverty first-hand and was even more cynical about my grandfather's infatuation with "the poor." There is absolutely nothing noble about poverty. It is ugly and demeaning.

Eventually I was too old to be dismissed from the table, besides we did our own cleaning and serving after David and Ethelyne left. And there was no fun kitchen where I could sneak turkey bits. Holidays lost a lot of their luster.

But one of the things that always intrigued me was the dichotomy that David and Ethelyne had. In front of my grandparents they spoke one way and when they were in private they had an entire different way of speaking and moving. They laughed. David would do his George Jefferson walk with the dip, way before it was on TV. I always felt so comfortable and happy when I was around David and Ethelyne, much to my grandmother's chagrin.

Later I noticed the same thing when I worked with a bunch of black journalists at the Dayton Daily news. Blacks are hugely under-represented in the newspaper business, as are other minorities. But in Dayton there was a pretty good-sized group of blacks there, which was good seeing as there is a very large black population on Dayton.

I never felt any tension with my black colleagues and never even would have noticed a difference, except for one thing: When they would get together, they would slip into the black patios, the easy drawl that they reserved just for each other. The minute anyone of another race would approach, the speech would slip back into the educated modulations they all used professionally.

It's not one of those things where I can start using a black-ish drawl when I approach, as I've seen many idiots do. I'm not black and it would look like a silly affectation and it's insulting. But I was always so hurt by it. I always felt excludedl.

I've never known how to even approach this with any black people I know without sounding stupid. It's the same exclusion, although this is more subtle, as the ban on any white people using the "n-word," while blacks call each other that whenever they want.

Frankly, I think that giving any word such extraordinary power is ridiculous and just begs for abuse. That's why I'm very much against the whole "retard" movement, trying to get that classified as "hate speech." There should be no such thing as hate speech. Giving up that much power by allowing yourself to be devastated by certain words uttered by any ignorant moron is just stupid.

But back to the black speech dichotomy. Here's my question. Do the Obamas, when they get alone with their friends behind closed doors, do they slip into the easy black drawl, and if I came in the room would they all stop?

Trash-ination

I've always been attracted to trashy, nasty girls. Not men, so much, maybe because trashy behavior is accepted more in men. Even as a young girl, my very favorite musical was Gypsy because it was about strippers. I almost memorized The Happy Hooker when I was in the eighth grade.

I found to my surprise that I was actually repulsed my such nastiness up close. When I was about 8 months pregnant I made my first foray into a strip bar. After the initial minute or so of shock at the nakedness, it was sordid and actually dirty. Like the guys who were there are dirty, the place was dirty -- as in they have dirt on them.

I found it the most un-sexy thing ever, watching these bored, half-lit girls wiggle around desperately to earn money. I remember this one mousy little waitress who had on a really cheap blond wig and looked terrified. It was so dejected and sad. As I walked in the door, the bouncer felt compelled to pat my belly, but hell, it's not as though the baby is participating in any of this. I nursed my lukewarm, flat Coke and counted the minutes until I could leave. I wasn't offended, just tired and bored.

But my fascination lives on. I just make sure to keep it more in the conceptual arena. This is all a long preamble to the shame-faced confession that I'm completely addicted to Rock of Love starring Bret Michaels. Michaels is the front man for a moderately successful power band from the 80s called Poison. They pretty much sucked and all you probably hear from them is "Ain't Nothing But A Good Time" which is trotted out at sporting events. "Every Rose has its Thorn" is another, really bad song they did.

The formula for the show is simple, Bret Michaels a middle-aged pudgy, chinless, apparently balding, guy who wears bandannas and the cheapest looking wig ever ("Finest hair extensions Europe has to offer" -- as he put it in one show -- notwithstanding), is looking to find love by having a bunch of girls come and vie for his "heart." It's kind of like The Bachelor, although instead of a good-looking, young guy, you have a washed-up rock singer in his 40s. And instead of a bevy of lovely, dewy young things, you have the trashiest strippers, porn stars and whatever they could dredge from the gentlemen's clubs and peep shows around the LA and Vegas areas.

You gotta love it. Brett, who has Type I diabetes, pretends he's this wild, partying rock star, when, in fact, he's in a long-term relationship with some girl and has two very young kids. His signature move is to make out with all the girls. And he's of the St. Bernard slobber school of making out, which makes it especially disgusting. Plus the majority of the girls are about half his age -- and this dude shows his age.

Nonetheless, I have to watch it. This season, Bret took his show on the road. The producers were able to wrangle up some really lovely examples of sex on the hoof this side of the HBO series Hookers at the Point. The intellectual discourse among these girls and Michaels is something to behold. Michaels uses such endearing terms terms as "me likey" or "Hey OH" or "your hotness" as he slits his protuberant eyes into snake-like slits and watches the latest silicone-bloated chest come staggering toward him for some of that luscious, slurping making out.

The girls drink constantly and compete in absurd games that seem designed to showcase the plastic, surgically enhanced beauty that Michaels finds so appealing. This season is winding down. Bret made the fatal error of getting rid of the trashiest girls too early. I think he didn't mean for the last one to leave, but this time most of the girls are more obvious in their disdain for Michaels and they seem delighted to get the hell away from liver lips.

But I'll still watch to see who has "captured Bret's heart" this season. The last time, he spoke sadly of the blow-job he probably wasn't going to get from one of the girls he had cast aside earlier in the competition. He really is a disgusting man, although that doesn't stop me from watching his every move.

I agree with the blogger who said this was the only show from which you could get a contact STD. When I'm done watching, though, it's always time for a nice, long, hot shower.

Living la vida lo-carb

Once again I find myself packing way too many pounds, which is even more worrisome than usual given the fragile nature of my legs and joints these days. So Dr. Atkins and I have found ourselves reacquainted.

I'm not sure what it is about my body, but ti seems to respond well to a lo-carb diet. My dad has used the Atkins diet since the 70s to lose weight. Back then it was the "drinking man's" diet because you could still consume as much alcohol as you wanted and eat steaks.

These days they've watered down the message a bit and don't call for the high-fat, meat-only diet the good doctor espoused. But then he slipped on a patch of ice and cracked his skull open, so he is no longer around to keep the message alive.

But the good ol' Atkins seems to work for me, especially now with more and more no sugar treats. Overall I try to avoid sugar. I've always had a bad reaction to eating too much of it and when I cut it out entirely, I tend to be a lot healthier. It's kind of a shame because I've discovered baking in my older age and now I can only make the treats, not eat them.

The good news, however, is that I've lost weight, and although I need to lose more, I'm encouraged. I've been pretty much subsisting on meat and salad dinners, with an emphasis on chicken and seafood ever since my uric acid level came back high during my pre-surgery blood work, which could be an early sign of gout, which I DON'T want to get.

I still eat meat from time to time, though. In fact, I'd been wanting to make some meatballs for a while because we had a can of those french fried onions you use in green bean casseroles hanging around and they have 3 carbs per 2 tablespoons, which means they'd be a great replacement for bread crumbs in my meatballs, I thought.

I had seen a recipe for meatballs and baked ziti and decide to craft my own lo-carb version. Once of the greatest discoveries for us lo-carb, low glycemic index dieters has been Dreamfields Pasta, which allows us to eat pasta with carbs that are basically passed through the body. I showed it to my dad and have studied it and it seem legit. And the Trader Joe's
Barbecue Grill & Broil seasoning is fabulous because it has no salt and lot's of flavor.

So here's my Lo-carb baked ziti with meatballs

1 and one-half box Dreamfields** penne pasta, cooked to shy of al dente and drained
1 pound ground beef 85/15
2/3 can of Durkee french friend onions, crushed
2 large eggs
1 tablespoon Trader Joe's barbecue Grill & Broil seasoning
3/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese
3 tablespoons olive oil
1 onion chopped
3 cloves garlic finely chopped
2 large cans Progresso chopped tomatoes with puree
3 fresh bay leaves
1 tablespoon dried oregano
1/2 cup dry red wine
1 package trader Joe's quattro frommagio cheese
1 pound whole milk mozzarella cheese
1 pint whole milk ricotta cheese
2 large eggs
1 cup grated Parmesan cheese

Mix together the ground beef, dried onions, grill seasoning, eggs and Parmesan cheese. Roll in small balls and cook in skillet with olive oil heated to medium. Cook meatballs until browned on all sides. Drain the fat (this is absolutely necessary to make a non-greasy meal). Add onions in with meatballs and cook until transluscent, about 4 minutes. Add garlic and cook until fragrant, about 30 seconds. Add cans of tomatoes, wine, oregano and bay leaves. simmer. Mix the ricotta cheese with two large eggs. Using a large baking dish (11 by 13 inches) sprayed with canola oil, spoon a few tablespoons of sauce (avoid meatballs) into the bottom. Top with half the cooked penne. Top the sauce with two-thirds of the ricotta mixture. Top with half the quattro frommagio, half of the mozzarella, sliced and half the remaining Parmesan cheese. Top with remaining pasta. Add remaining ricotta and other remaining cheeses. Bake in 350 oven for 40 minutes.

** Dreamfields cut their box size to 13 ounces, so you have to use more than once box. Jerks.
*** real Atkins calls for whole milk products, which are much lower in carbs.

Look what they done to my beach, ma

Rob and I love the beach here. We take the dogs there every day, which they love. But recently our beloved beach walk has become marred by tons of crap that is being dumped their by the harbor authorities. I thought mucking up the coastlines was a no-no in California. Apparently I was wrong.

We used to take the to the park -- Cemetery Park -- where they peed with delight on the graves on Ventura's founders each and every day. I'm not sure if it's something they put on the grass or what, but first Rascal would chew his paws after he was at the park. He would rub his belly on the grass, which made it itch, so bright dog that he is, he'd rub it more.

Then Fuser started limping every time we took him to the park and his paws started getting red. The vet and I agreed that it appears to be an allergy of some kind, so long story finally over, we decided to take the dogs to the beach for their daily constitutional.

Chris once observed that he couldn't imagine the endless boredom of our dogs' lives. But we pointed out that they experience such boundless joy that they can live their lives with going to the beach as the highlight and they're at the zenith of doggie aspiration. Their second favorite thing is going to bed because they all snuggle under the covers or on top of the down comforter. And a good cuddle or bellyrub will never be turned down.

Our dogs enjoy food as much as the next dog, but they're not food-obsessed because we let them graze. The worst thing you can do for dogs, we've found, and for people, is to make them feel deprived. Then they become obsessed with whatever they feel they're not getting. That's why diets never work in the long run.

What our dogs go crazy for is their daily walk to the beach. They get so excited when Rob and I started getting ready, it's like being in the vortex of a furry tornado. When we put Stash's harness on her, they go completely bananas. Titan emits a piercing skull-splitting shriek/bark and jumps around knocking everything off the coffee table. Rascal starts barking hysterically and they all run to the door and back to us in frantic circles.

Occasionally, we have errands to run prior to the beach run, although we did learn our lesson about taking too long with pre-walk errands when we went to Fry's in Oxnard one day and on the way back Rascal shit in the car. They save up their poopies for their walks and if they don't get to the beach in short order, well, you can't hold them responsible, they say.

We take the dogs down to the beach at Ventura Harbor, which is one of the few where dogs are allowed. Most beaches don't allow dogs. They say it's because the fecal matter contaminates the ocean. But most people will pick up after their dogs. It's just that the world is divided between dog-lovers and assholes, and it seems the assholes are in charge and make the signs.

The beach at Ventura Harbor is one of the nicest, IMO, because there are no houses crowded up next to it. It's pretty wild and it extends down to the Santa Clara river mouth. It's a great place to see sunsets over the Channel Islands and birdwatch. We all love our daily walks there.

Well until recently. Each year, the Harbor Commission or whomever, has the harbor dredged. It isn't a natural harbor and it tends to fill with sand and other crap during the year. The dredging is done in the winter or early spring to avoid tourist season. They have a big dredging boat that is basically a giant vacuum that sucks all the crap up from the bottom of the harbor and sends it down a pipe that they extend down the beach. Then they dump the crap by the Santa Clara river mouth. This year they have a couple of bullzoders and they appear to be making some kind of makeshift jetty our of all the crap they're dredging up. But a bunch of the crap is drifting down the beach, back toward the harbor and being dumped all over the once-beautifil beaches where we walk the dogs.

Now the beach smells bad and the dogs are forever finding all kinds of nasty treats in the debris. Usually when there's a lot of debris on the beach, they come and bulldoze in into the sand. I'm hoping they get this bulldozed soon. Because until then our beach walks are a whole lot less enjoyable for us. The dogs aren't complaining, though. They LOVE trash.

Sad, bad times

The kids ask, Do you ever remember it being this bad? Hell no, we reply. Rob and I came of age in 1973, which was a bad economic downturn, what with the first energy crisis. There were lines to get gas and inflation was insane. But we were both really young and people will always hire kids because they don't cost much.

We made it all the way through the crappy 70s. Anyone remember WIN buttons? Whip Inflation Now. We remember mortgage rates of 14-plus percent, and thought we'd never be able to buy a house, and we weren't for quite a while.

Conservatives like to point to what they call, through their distorted lens, the Golden Reagan era. Lately Rush the Magic Idiot has been saying that Reagan cut taxes to stimulate the economy. First, at the end taxes were higher under Reagan than at the beginning of his term, which started with huge inflation/stagnation and ended with the savings and loan crisis and the great market crash of 1988.

But now there's the Great Meltdown, and the ground has the solidity of quicksand. Today it was announced that the Rocky Mountain News was going to cease publication. We all find this so sad, even though it will probably help out at the Star because Scripps won't be hemorrhaging money and a money-making vehicle like the Star had to subsidize the Rocky Mountain News for a long time in its losing battle against Dean Singleton and Media News, another member of the conservative cabal.

But I used to live in Colorado and know some of the people at the Rocky from back then. I also know some kids who went out there because it was the biggest paper in the Scripps chain and a great step up.

I guess what I'm failing to understand is how newspapers can be folding and cutting back when the need for news has grown exponentially. Here we have all kinds of gadgets to keep us updated 27/7 with information and at the rate we're going there will be no one to supply it.

When I first started at newspapers one of my favorite parts of the job was access to the AP wires. I could see what tomorrow's news was going to be today. It was almost a living thing, constantly morphing and updating as events unfolded and the reporters kept pace. Now everyone can get the news immediately, without the need for a physical newspaper, which is an anachronism.

But the news business is too entrenched and lacking in vision, having been effectively cowed by, as Hillary put it, a vast right-wing conspiracy that screams and moans about any news coverage that didn't fit into their rigid, narrow, bigoted agenda.

Newspaper editors went from booze-guzzling bombasts, who lived and died to get the best, most accurate story out to readers to corporate lackeys who were promoted precisely for their unthreatening mediocrity. So when it came time for creativity and real original thinking, they all stood around a table peering down at a computer screen, bellies hanging over their belts, arms crossed, one hand to the mouth, with a disapproving look, never offering suggestions, insight or ideas, just peering intently and vacantly as their world crumbled around them.

Now the news business in in a tatters because newspaper executives can't seem to get their minds around how to give people what they actually want in this Brave New World of News.

People want a discussion. They're tired of some middle-aged white guy telling them what "good news judgment" is. People want to decide what they want to learn about things. They want to have a say in what is reported, rather than the pedantic model newspapers now use and can't get away from.

Newspaper people need to take a page from our new president, who always found that he made his best decisions when he was able to get out and listen to people, real working people, as they gathered and spoke about their lives.

As journalists, we need to get out and find out what people want us to write about. Not what they SAY they want us to write about -- because people aren't going to SAY they want to see more stories about Paris Hilton, even as they read the latest about her at TMZ. Newspapers need to use Yahoo and Google for models of how to package news online. They need more reporters gathering more and more news and they need to charge advertisers -- not right now -- but on a sliding scale for being on their web sites.

Right now, it appears newspapers are in a death spiral and there's nothing left to do but wait for the inevitable crash. Until they embrace real change in their business model and the way they approach the packaging and preparation of the news, they're just not going to be able to survive.

I'm not sure where we're all going to end up after the smoke has cleared. We're hanging on by our fingernails, as most everyone is these day. It's a Brave New World out there and it's time to embrace it and use the disruption to create something new and better, kind of what our new president is trying to do.

Valentine's Day and the Last Lobster

We celebrated Valentine's Day the way we usually do, at home. The last time we went out we were disgusted when we went to our favorite steak place, The Sportsman, and they had a limited menu with jacked-up prices. And it's super-crowded everywhere else, which is far from romantic IMO (I love little abbreviations, no matter how precious they may be). Besides I can always make our favorite dishes better than we can get them out.

This year, I wanted spiny lobster. I'm doing Atkins again after having gained way too much weight as the result of the surgeries and over the holidays. One of the good things about Atkins is you can eat such decadent meals as a steak dinner or lobster or crab and it's OK, just so long as you stay away from bread and potatoes.

Spiny lobster is only in season here from the middle of October to the middle of March. Then there's a moratorium on fishing for the lobsters, which BTW I found our are not, in fact, lobsters, but rather giant cousins of crawfish. I haven't had one in years and really love the taste of the sweet meat that's in the large tails. I think spiny lobster is actually tastier than Maine Lobster.

So I had to get up early on Saturday -- Valentine's Day -- and head to the fisherman's market at Ventura Harbor. If you're not there early, you miss out on the best stuff. I was a little worried at first because there only seemed to be lots and lots of crabs, but we found the lobster guy and picked out a big old lobster, which they packed in a frozen bananas box and then wrapped in saltwater-soaked newspaper.

The last time I got a lobster, I felt bad and tried to make some salt water by pouring salt into tap water in the sink. I put the poor lobster in there and I swear to God he screamed, arched his back and tried to jump out before he died, which he did immediately, so this time no trying to make a saltwater bath.

Rob had come with me and was asking the fishermen about the spider crabs, which I had been told were not very tasty. These guys say, however, that it's hard to crack the thick shells, but the meat under the top shell of the body is delicious. Spider crabs are really cool and grow to be huge giving them this primordial feel. They have one on the wall at The Sportsmen and it's cool-looking, in a creepy way.

After the fisherman's market, we headed to the Ventura farmers market because I had to take pictures and get information for the farmers market column (Have I mentioned before how much I LOVE writing that column? The very first pictures I ever took with my camera were of the Santa Barbara farmers market. I love love love farmers markets.)

We shopped around, finding the artichokes I needed for my meal. We also got blueberries, which they're just starting to grow around here, and some garlic grass, which I realized as soon as we got home, I have growing in my garden. But I get caught up in my own enthusiasm when I'm there and it was only a buck and a half.

On the way home Rob wanted to stop by our neighborhood flower guy to get roses. He ended up with 21 roses for $40. One phenomenon I found interesting when I came to Southern California was the practice of many Mexicans of selling flowers on such holidays as Mother's Day and Valentine's Day -- those are the big ones out on the streets. On Valentine's Day the entire length of Ventura Avenue is lined with tables featuring roses, stuffed animals and red, heart-shaped balloons. I love how cheerful they look, even though business seemed slow this year.

Even though the flowers were beautiful, especially after I added some baby's breath, but I felt guilty about eating the lobster all day. I've made lobsters before, but as I get older my twinges of guilt over eating animals grow. Actually killing one is even harder on my conscience. When it came time, I just wanted to get it over. I checked the size of the lobster to make sure it would fit in the pot and when I was going to put the lobster in to measure it, it started flipping its whole body back and forth violently, apparently knowing full-well what I was doing.

Rob started yelling about how cruel and evil I was and I did feel pretty bad. I briefly entertained the notion of going back to the harbor and dumping the poor lobster there and letting him fend for himself. But the thought of the $27 I had paid, along with my strong desire to eat some sweet lobster meat allowed me to put my qualms aside.

After all, the beef I'd bought for Rob's Swiss steak -- his favorite meal, with mashed potatoes and canned sweet peas -- had probably been as upset about his death. The thought of a cow -- eyes rimmed with white in sheer panic, being led into one of those killing boxes where they drive a charge into its skull didn't me feel less guilty, unfortunately.

At this point the lobster's alien extruded eyes were drilling me. I mean I swear I can feel it when my plants are thirsty. I can hear them scream for water, so this lobster's buggy eyes following me around the room made me feel even more guilty. Not guilty enough, however, not to plunge the poor guy headfirst into the boiling water when the time came.

I cooked him up, alongside the artichoke and sat down to savor a meal of lemon butter-drenched food. But I swear the meat didn't taste right and I couldn't get too much of it down. I devoured the artichoke, which didn't seem to object to being boiled as much as the lobster had.

Later that evening, I'm not sure if it was the lobster or the malitol from eating a million sugar-free chocolates, but I had an attack of colic to end all attacks. Rob said he thought the house was going to shake off its foundations with the volume of gas bursting from my body. He said the lobster was getting its revenge.

Now the story should ended there, but today I ate some of the leftover lobster cold, and it tasted delicious and so far I'm not doubled over. So we'll see, but I think my days of buying live animals to eat are probably over.

Oh for anyone wondering, the way to make artichokes is to trim the stem almost off -- it's fibrous and almost inedible. Pick off the smallest leaves and trim the artichoke by cutting the tips of the leaves off. You don't have to do this, but the leave tips have thorns and you can prick your finger, which hurts when you're dipping your artichoke in lemon butter.

Bring about 2 inches of salted water to a boil in a large covered pot. Add the artichoke and cook for about 18 to 20 minutes or until a fork pierces the stem end easily. Serve with lemon butter, which you make by melting a half stick of butter in the microwave in 20 second increments. Mix with the juice of half a lemon.

Seashells and seances

A few months back my friend Kim decided it would be great fun if we all went to a seance. It was scheduled for Dia de los Muertos at 11 p.m. at the Olivas Adobe, which is this really old rancho from the 1800s -- what passes for historical in California. I was game, even though I had to talk Rob into it. "You're scared," I said. "It will be lame," he countered. We sucked up the $40 per person fee for the spooky event, which was conducted by our local historical raconteur.

I've lived in a number of communities over the years, and each one has a self-designated guy -- it always seems to be a guy -- who's rather rotund and has a whole schtick about the history of the area, complete with ghost tales. I'm not sure why the rotund part, but it seems to go with the whole dramatic effect. Ventura's local guy specializes in Perry Mason stuff and ghost stories that seem to revolve around Ventura's City Hall and the adobe.

He wasn't the medium for the seance, though, the medium was his wife. Their daughter, who appeared sad and lonely, also was along for the ride. We showed up at the adobe at the appointed time and were given the standard lecture about the place. We went over how the Olivas family had 24 kids -- take that Duggars -- born from the same woman. Our local historian talked about how the family made its money supplying beef to the Gold Rush speculators to the north.

It was all stuff I knew already. One thing I do when I move to a new place is try to find out about its history. I love old historical stuff, and I'd put together a talk that I gave about the history of food in Ventura County awhile back, so I'd studied a lot of this before.

We were then given tours of the adobe and were allowed to go upstairs, but not all at once because the floors aren't very sturdy. Lindsay had been wrangled at the last minute to come along after someone else canceled, so it was Kim, Dennis, Rob, me and a friend of Kim's, Teresa Rochester, a reporter for the Star. We all agreed afterward that the tour, especially late at night, was the best part.

The seance itself was laughable. I'd gotten into it with the medium right before the seance about a local park that had once been a cemetery, but had been bulldozed years ago. Now it's a dog park, where hundreds of people a day come with their dogs to enjoy the sunshine and let the dogs frolic and socialize. There is a small, vocal group of fanatics that's all up in arms about "dogs defecating" on the graves of the people buried in what has become known as Cemetery Park -- it's actually named Memorial Park.

Frankly I don't give a shit about the old moldering bones (yup I did it, I had to go there). When I'm dead and gone and my remains are decaying I pray someone will have the sense to allow picnics on my grave. I hope lovers fornicate on my grave and certainly hope the entire dog population makes its doodies on top of me, with a few tinkles sprinkled in. I want life to happen on the earth. I want people to be happy frolicking in the grass. I'm dead. Gone. Every time a baby laughs and every time a dog wags his tail up there, it's a salute to my life, or at least what I want the memory of my life to be. After all, that's really all that's left after you die, the memories of your life. I want my memories to be happy ones.

The medium was of the dogs-defecating-on-the-graves side of the argument and when she started going on about it, I had to say something (Seriously. Some of the most dangerous words in my lexicon are "I had to do/say something.") The seance was held shortly after that.

We were led inside and sat in a large circle. There were a bunch of people there, maybe 35-plus. I wondered how many of them believed, really believed, in this stuff and how many were skeptical curiosity seekers, like us. I'm not saying I don't believe in afterlife or spirits, because I believe there are a lot of things we don't understand and that there is an essential energy that makes us all who we are, so it's possible. But, as Dennis said, if there were any energy from the otherworld, it wasn't in that room.

The medium did her schtick, which included some lovely displays of, by turns, phlegmatic clearing of the throat (dubbed by Theresa as Lugie boy), simulated childbirth, which seemed especially creepy given that pants-clad legs of the medium were splayed, and I kept thinking if I see a wet spot, I'm outta here. Then she popped up and looked with pop-eyes at Lindsay, who was giggling uncontrollably by now. She tried to catch my gaze, but I was having none of it, and peered intently at the rug pattern. We were all tempted to throw our hands in the air because she'd warned us that if we broke the circle, she could go into shock and die, which sounded really interesting.

"Respect me," she rasped, all dramatic and spooky. I thought Lindsay was going to leave a wet stain, she was laughing so hard. This went on for a while. Then the medium tried calling out random names of people who could be close to any of us. No dice there. She spoke in what she said was Chinese, but sounded like what I would have made up if I were pretending to speak Chinese. Good thing we didn't have any Chinese people there.

We were all glad when it was finally over with some really silly "readings." The medium talked about Lindsay's sex life, probably to embarrass her to get back at her for giggling.

After, we all talked about the experience. We all agreed the tour was the best part. Before the seance, during the tour of the house, we went upstairs into the bedrooms the Olivas family used. In one of the rooms was a box covered with seashells. We were told that the box was probably made by one of the Olivas daughters.

I was transfixed by the box. The seashells had been carefully collected and separated according to size. Then, whomever had made the box glued the shells on in very careful patterns. It was the coolest thing. The shells are exactly the same kinds of shells I find when I go to the harbor for my daily walk with my defecating dogs (Yes, we clean up after them). When the anonymous Olivas girl had made her box, all filled with the romantic yearning that absorbs the adolescent girl psyche. She had to have walked the same beach I walk each day. Of course, in her time, there was no harbor and no jetties.

Now when I walk along the beach I try to imagine how it looked back when some attention-deprived middle child of 24 children would run down the road to the beach, where she'd chuck her shoes and stockings and wade by the Santa Clara rivermouth. I wonder if she was as enthralled as I am by the dance of the pelicans as they drift under the breaking waves in patterns that evoke the theme from Apocalypse Now when the copters flew over the rice paddies.

Of course shellgirl would never have thought of rice paddies and helicopters, so I wonder if she had a crush on a handsome ranch hand and if she was collecting the shells for a box to put her dowry in. Not her official dowry, but the dowry of young girls of that time, which would have been the little knick-knacks girls collected back before we were inundated with plastic crap from the mall. But then I realize the box is still at the house, so whoever made it never made it outside the home with her dreams. That makes me a little sad.

While we were touring the house, we stopped to look for ghosts. We all stood there in the dark peering as hard as we could. But there were no ghosts that night, except perhaps in that shell box, glimmering in the streetlights by the front window of the Olivas Adobe.

Hopefully lumpless

So I had my plastic surgery today to -- please, please, please -- finally get rid of the damned stupid lump. First of all this doctor was NOTHING like MacNamara & Troy on Nip/Tuck. But he DID draw on me, just like in the movies and on TV, only he used all different colors ("just like a Christmas tree" he said.

I see him again tomorrow to see if anything is going wrong. I'm also drugged because it's really sore. This should be the last surgery from the truck hitting me. Well, when I eventually have to have my right knee replaced, which seems inevitable, it will have happened earlier than it would have if the truck hadn't hit me, but it's not a direct cause and effect.

Rob and I pretty much have this whole surgery thing down now, after all between the two of us we've had surgeries in the past 18 months. It's a damned good thing we're both so healthy.

Dena was great and took me to and from the hospital. Lindsay couldn't because she had school. She's studying to be a teacher. I wish her the best of luck, although I think she would be well suited to going into politics. I keep bugging her to make a run for city council because she's smart, charismatic and she has a great heart.

My thought for the day (bear in mind it's narcotic fueled, but ask Coleridge, sometimes the best art comes from opiates) In these bleak economic times it is the friendships you have that become even more valuable. There is a sense of comfort in knowing we're all afraid, but if we stick together, we can get through it.

Speaking of hard times, it's time to plant a garden and some more fruit trees.

THIS is how real people entertain

One thing that always gets my goat is the image food magazines and television shows give of people entertaining. If you've ever seen one of the "real people" spreads in Sunset magazine or Bon Appetit, you know what I mean. All those glossy, beautiful people making all of those impossibly intricate and wonderful meals.

To be fair, I actually know some people who were the subjects of one of those shoots for Sunset magazine, and they are for the most part, pretty normal people, although they're all innovative cooks. Their thing was for Thanksgiving and I go whole hog for Thanksgiving, so to speak, so they never seemed, to me to be out of reach.

Martha always used to have these elaborate setups for even the simplest gathering, and I always felt real people don't do that. This was especially true the other night when Colin and Tracy said they were coming over. Then we asked Lindsay and Ryan if they wanted to come too, and Chris was already here.

So I bopped out to red barn Market because Mexican groceries have much better deals on chicken legs, which is what I was making. I grabbed some broccoli, a head of iceberg lettuce, a green pepper, a couple of grilling onions and I was good to go.

I zipped home. Started up the grill. Got the chicken legs marinating in some Trader Joe's Teriyaki sauce, which is just like Veri Veri Teriyaki sauce, but costs $1.99 as opposed to $5.99. Then I put them on the grill on the lowest setting along with the green onions -- they really add flavor -- for 15 minutes a side.

I poured a half cup of heavy cream into a small saucepan and melted about a cup and a half of shredded colby/Monterey Jack cheese into it over medium low heat. I sprinkled just a hint of nutmeg, because as annoying as Rachael Ray is, it does takes good, as long as you're really careful not to add too much.

(She always says on her show, "It's that little thing in the background that makes you go hmmmm what is that?" Every single time she puts nutmeg in something. So now Rob says, "It's that little thing the the background that makes you go why does this taste like eggnog?" So make sure your cheese sauce doesn't taste like eggnog and add just a touch of nutmeg.)

I steamed the broccoli. I made a salad with the iceberg lettuce, which I abhor, but everyone else loves. I added chopped farmers market celery and chopped green pepper. Rob says its one of the best salads he's had. Chacun a son gout.

When the chicken was done, we had dinner: teriyaki chicken legs, broccoli with cheese sauce (I didn't make the traditional flour based cheese sauce because I'm doing Atkins), but I really liked the heavy cream cheese combo because it's easy to get the constancy right, just add cream or cheese until you find a nice balance and it reheated nicely.

We served it on paper plates and everyone had a great time; simple, inexpensive, unpretentious fun. It was the night before the inauguration and we were all pretty excited. The dogs even had a great time. Why don't magazines show that?

I went back to Ohio

OK, so one funny story about my air travel. Since I have a knee replacement, I have to be hand-screened to get on a plane. The TSA ladies so far have been very pleasant about the whole thing. I explain that I was hit by a truck and have a titanium peg in my right ankle and a new knee. Then, I have to warn them that I have a lump on my hip because it looks as though I have something in my pocket. Of course, they then have to feel it up. Seriously. I think that's more than reason enough for Kaiser to pay to have it removed.

It was great to see Courtney and we had a really great time hanging out. Dave had to leave for a couple of days and it was just the two of us and the boys. I don't think we've connected like that for a long time, and it was great. It was also wonderful to bond with my grandsons, who are just adorable.

Cody has rejected Me-ma as a grandmom name and is sticking with the more traditional Gramma. He totally cracks me up. He's so eerily like the boys in my family, especially my brother Rodger, and very much like Rodger's son young Rodger (We tried calling him "little Rodger" but when he grew to 6'5" we all looked stupid). He's got that same piercing loud Gamblin voice that cuts through metal and he's headstrong and passionate.

Alex is a carbon copy of his dad. He's a sweet, pleasant little guy who just wants to smile and play. He's developed a justified insecurity about possessions because his brother takes pretty much everything away from him. He's not as big as Cody was at his age, but I don't think it's likely he will be small, given his genes. His dad and both granddads are all big men.

Courtney and I spent Saturday watching Lifetime movies, chatting and taking care of the boys. We ate all kinds of treats I bought and made. It was decadent and fun. Courtney also took me to the place she works as director of marketing. She showed me her office and gave me a tour of the assisted care facility. It's huge, and really quite nice. I was duly impressed and proud. My girls are my big So There to the world.

But I'm glad to be back in God's country here in Southern California, where we still have flowers in our gardens and leaves on our trees. The skies are blue and our lawns are green. In Dayton the dull brown landscape competes with the grim gray trees against a heavy gray sky. Day after dreary day. When I was a kid we read books by Piet Worm for my First Communion. The books took on all aspects of the Bible and Catholicism. The pictures were crude and black and white, but I still remember vividly the picture of Purgatory. It showed a man, standing small and alone in a huge field, with a threatening cloudy sky overhead. Just like Ohio.

After-Christmas sail

We had a wonderful Christmas this year, even though we didn't have Courtney, Dave, Cody and Alex visit us. Courtney is new to her marketing director job, so she has no vacation time saved up. It's so cool her career is going so well. Dave's business is also flourishing -- he did especially well after a freak wind storm last year that downed trees all over the area. Why is it we only succeed in this family through the misfortune of others? My freelance career is also going well because so many people have been laid off, and in this case I actually know the people.

Anyway, back to Christmas, Rob and I made one of the greatest discoveries since we moved here -- a source for USDA prime meat. Forget the "cattleman's reserve ranch" or whatever the supermarkets are calling their saline-injected shoe leather, any beef aficionado will tell you, the best beef is that graded by the United States Department of Agriculture. Prime beef is the best you can buy, but by and large it's unavailable in Southern California. When I wrote my food column, I would commiserate with other transplants who knew their beef about the lack of USDA prime beef.

Rob was reading the LA Times when he noticed an ad for Hows Market for aged prime rib roast for $8.95 a pound. I had passed a Hows Market when I went to the food writing course and had seen a Hows, I dimly recalled. This was such a good deal, we started to look to see where the closest Hows was to us when I noticed there was a Hows in Malibu. In fact, it was on the side of Malibu that's closer to Ventura County, in the Trancas Center. We happened to have an appointment in L.A. for Rob's eye and we were passing right by.

Now we have a great source of USDA prime meat, which is cool,and Hows has pretty reasonable prices on other items. It's worth the drive on the PCH.

We had Ryan, Lindsay and Rob's nephews,Sean and his wife Gen, Duncan and his girlfriend Mary and Colin and his lady Tracy, along with Rob's brother and sister-in-law Marilyn, along with Dena and Dena's mom patty. Dave, one of Lindsay's friends came over too.

I ended up making way more food than I'd planned. We had to travel all over town to find my goose -- a real wild goose chase. Then we had the 8 pound roast, so we could have our traditional beef roast, goose, Yorkshire pudding, asparagus parsleyed potatoes Christmas Eve dinner. The next day, Christmas, people were still wanting food, so I was able to snag a $9 dollar ham at the only open Vons and make some potatoes gratin, which I served with some store-bought rolls, canned beans and salad. All the meals were great.

Dena's mom Patty was out the door Christmas morning when her car broke down, so she ended up staying the night. unfortunately she decided she missed her dogs Titan and Stash, who've been living with us since August, so she took them back to Lompoc with her. We've really grown attached to these dogs and they have formed a pack with our little guys, so we're all a bit sad. You know the old saying: No Good Deed Goes Unpunished ...

Friday Rick, Marilyn, Kaia, Rob and I went to the beach so Rick could look at tidal pools. We went for lunch first and had a great time catching up. Kaia was really cute. she and Marilyn came over a couple of days before to make some Christmas cookies, but Kaia was cranky because she was fighting off a cold. This time she was just her normal sweet, funny self. She, Rob and Rick spent a bunch of time outside playing with a flying bug-thing I got for Rob for Christmas so he'd have something fun.

I got to talk to Courtney and the boys and we talked to them over the web cam today. I'm really excited about visiting them, although I'm apprehensive because flying is really really uncomfortable. Plus there's the whole artificial knee thing with security, which means I need extra time. Nope. I'm not looking forward to the trip at all.

Pre-holiday catchup

We have all the Christmas stuff up and are in the final countdowns to Christmas. Courtney, Dave and the boys couldn't make it out this year, but I'm going back to Dayton for a week after Christmas. Rob still has some inflammation in his eye and increased eye pressure, so flying probably isn't the best idea.

I have a lot more work for the Ventura County Star these days, especially because they just laid off a bunch of people. I'm not exactly comfortable that someone else's pain is my gain, but it's not as though I'm taking anything from anyone. And with the economic uncertainty being what it is these day, no one is blaming anyone for doing what they can to make a living.

I'm loving doing stories and taking pictures. Tomorrow, I'm off to see a group that plays kazoos and other instruments for seniors. I love doing senior stories. I've always enjoyed them, but now as I get closer and closer to my subject's age, I just seem to enjoy them, and their stories, more.

We had our Christmas concerts last weekend with the Ventura Master Chorale. It's turned out to be everything I'd hoped for and more. I just love having music back in my life. I'm also having a lot of fun getting "The Voice" back in shape. I read a bunch of stuff about Maria Kallas a long time ago, and she referred to her voice as "the Voice," almost like it was a third person. Sometimes I feel the same way about mine, although it does seem awfully conceited. I'm in no way comparing myself to Maria Kallas, although I do call her Tia Maria because she's a distant relative (by marriage), just to be pretentious. (Actually I only do that around Rob.)

Nonetheless, there are time when I feel my voice is an entity unto itself and it pretty much wants to do what it wants to do. Last weekend, however, it was behaving and I was able to go full-voice for the first time in a really long time. It felt so great. It's not something I can do often because my full voice can only be trotted out under very special circumstances. Otherwise it's an painful,ugly and very loud noise.

Singing Christmas music was such a treat this year. I got to sing at the San Buenaventura Mission, which was super-cool, and the St. John's Seminary in Camarillo, which has a really nice chapel.

Lindsay and Ryan are coping with their PTSD issues as best they can, with help. Lindsay has and Ryan have been hanging around more, which makes me very happy. In fact, at the risk of angering the jealous gods, I'm pretty happy these days and it's always important to celebrate the good times because they help get you through those times that aren't so great. I like to store away happy memories like a squirrel. They come in very handy when my head is racing with problems and fears.

Thanksgiving leftovers

We had a great Thanksgiving this year. We had Kim and Dennis and Lindsay and Ryan over (you really have to refer to married couples and blank and blank, even when listing with others). We were everybody's second dinner, which meant a lot of "give me a tiny bite of ..." and tons and tons of leftovers, but everybody had fun. And no one ate all of Dena's food, something that's happened in years past, which she's never forgotten, apparently.

Rob and I got the house clean -- well Rob did the cleaning, and I did the decorating. We have been making our Thanksgiving centerpiece out of a pumpkin every year since Rob first saw the idea on Martha. I still love how it looks. Lindsay proclaimed my "tablescape" much better than Sandra Lee's, which she said are too fussy. Lindsay has had too much time to sit around and realize how nice it is to sit around.

I'm now writing the weekly farmers market column for the Ventura County Star. I'll post the link when it's published. This is a labor of love for me, so I'm super-excited. I'm also getting a lot more work from the Star because they had to resort to layoffs. It's hard because I know the people who have been laid off and I hate benefiting from other people's misfortune. But the whole economy is in such turmoil and we each have to grab whatever we can.

Nonetheless, it was a Thanksgiving full of thanks this year for us. We made it through some bad stuff, but with any luck, we're on the track to being OK, which is a lot more than many of my friends can say. And whatever good fortune we get, we'll be sure to share as much as we can.

Trina's corn salad

I actually have a bunch of stuff that's backed up that I haven't gotten around to blogging.

Trina, Ryan's sister, got married last weekend in Big Bear. she invited Rob and me, but we couldn't go. I did, however, find out that I'd been volunteered to "help with the food" by Lindsay. But Lindsay and I have two completely different ideas of what "helping with the food" means.

Basically they needed a side dish to an eclectic menu that included empanadas. So I decided on a corn salad with chipotle/honey dressing. I wanted it to be served in individual portions nestled in bibb lettuce cups.

So I went out and bought about 20-plus packages of shucked corn and microwaved them, two at a time (wrap wet ear of corn in plastic wrap and microwave for one minute, then turn and microwave for an addition 50 seconds. Let sit for at least 5 minutes).

I then had to cut the kernels off of each year. I combined the corn with chopped peppers of assorted colors. It was a really tasty side dish, and Lindsay and Dorothy Guzik said it was a hit.

Corn and pepper salad with feta and chipotle/honey dressing

4 ears of corn, cooked as detailed above
1 bell pepper chopped
1/4 cup crumbled feta cheese

Chipotle/honey dressing

1/3 cup red wine vinegar
2/3 cup canola oil
1 tablespoon pureed chipotle with adobo
1/2 teaspoon celery seeds
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons honey

Mix everything together using an immersible blender.

That's what I'm talkin' 'bout!

I've been searching for years for the perfect chocolate chip recipe and I've hit on what -- for me -- comes out the very best. I like a thin, crisp buttery cookie with a soft, goo-y interior.

I recently tried one of Cook's Illustrated test recipes for chocolate chip cookies and it needed improvement IMO. This recipe is the result of years of testing and reading. And, for me, it came out exactly the way I wanted it to.

Chocolate chip cookies

2 sticks unsalted butter, melted
2 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
3/4 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar
1 egg
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon almond extract
1 package semi-sweet chocolate chips (I use Ghirardelli, which are amazing)
1 cup walnuts, toasted and chopped (optional)

Heat oven to 375. Melt butter by cutting in pieces and melting in heatproof bowl (I use my 2-cup Pyrex measuring cup). Cool butter for about 5 minutes. Mix together in separate bowl flour, baking soda and salt using a whisk, to fluff and mix. Cream butter and sugar. Add egg and flavorings and mix thoroughly. Add flour mixture and mix until combined. Add nuts and chocolate chips. Scoop by mounded teaspoon onto Silpat covered baking sheets. Cook for four minutes on middle rack of oven, one sheet at a time. Turn cookie sheet around and put back into oven for another 4 minutes. Let sit for 2 minutes after removing for oven, then place on cooking rack.

UPDATE: I took a plate of cookies to choir practice and they were DEVOURED. after the first one was gone, the rest disappeared faster than a 401K.

Busy bee

I've been pretty busy lately. The Star announced layoffs and while that totally sucks for everyone involved, it means more work for me. Anyway here's a recent article I wrote for the Star. I'm putting my original version and linking to the online version.

We actually had a photographer come over and take pictures of the food. It was funny because Kaia was also coming over and Sean dropped him off. Sean knows all of the Star photogs seeing as he's a videographer for KEYT news, so they said hi. I think Rob Varela (the star photog) was surprised, as people often are that we're related (the same last name would seem to be a clue -- especially because it's pretty unusual).

And on the Lindsay and Ryan front, Ryan's immediate physical wounds have healed, but they're grappling with the horrible PTSD aspects of any violent act. I wish them both the best. I'm just now becoming more able to drive loger distances without taking a Xanax, and I can still freak pretty easily, so I know how hard it can be.

Five meals under $15
By Anne Kallas
No one has to tell you that the hard-earned food dollar doesn’t go as far as it once did, even a year ago. So when the commercials come on TV for fried chicken meals or pizza deals that can be had on the cheap, it’s probably tempting to pile the spouse and the kids into the car and head for the greasy bucket or checkered tablecloth. Not so fast. Now maybe the commercials make you think there’s no way you can throw together a delicious nutritious meal without having to hand-print a “Will work for food” sign, but advertisers can be wrong.
Here are some family favorites that use inexpensive ingredients, along with some money-saving tips:
• Never pay more than $6 for meat. This means a lot of looking, but it can be done.
• Look for in-store specials. Since meat is highly perishable, keep an eye out for sell-by dates, especially with chickens. You can find $.67- to $.99- a pound whole chickens, if you know when to shop. If you notice a big pile of chickens, look for the sell-by date and stop back at the store then and nab one, or two – if you’re having company.
• Don’t forget Hispanic markets. They often have some of the best deals on meats and produce around. They are staffed with butchers who will cut your meat to order.
• Be willing to cherry-pick your stores. With gas prices going down, it’s worth it to shop at a number of stores. Trader Joe’s is great for cheese, butter and eggs. The big grocery chains advertise, so pick up the flyers and look for sales. If you belong to a super-savings warehouse store like Sam’s and Costco, swing by to pick up paper items and other supplies you know you will use in quantity – pet food, cereals. Don’t forget milk and other dairy items that don’t necessarily have to be bought in such huge quantities.
• Go to the farmer’s market. I pick up locally grown organic lettuce for $1.50 a head from by buddy B.D. Dautch of Earthtrine Farms up in Ojai. There’s something very satisfying about picking up leeks that are almost as big as baseball bats for only a couple of dollars.

Beefy spaghetti ala Bolognese
(Costs $9.04 , add $1.49 for bread and $.50 for Parmesan cheese, if using)
4 pieces bacon, cut into ½ inch pieces
11/3 pounds ground beef (get the more inexpensive, fattier meat. You’re going to drain excess grease and the meat will be more flavorful).
1 onion, chopped into ¼ inch pieces,
3 large carrots peeled and diced into ¼ inch pieces
2 to 3 cloves garlic, minced
1 bay leave
1 tablespoon oregano
Thyme
2 large cans crushed tomatoes with puree
½ cup red wine
¾ cup milk
Salt to taste
1 pound spaghetti, prepared as directed on package
Cut bacon into ½-inch pieces and brown in a ceramic-covered Dutch oven. When bacon is browned add ground beef and brown. When all the meat is browned, about 5 minutes, drain off excess fat. Add chopped onions and carrots and start to cook until onions are translucent. Add minced garlic and cook until the garlic in fragrant, about a minute or so. Add herbs and cans of tomatoes and stir. Add wine and milk. Taste before salting, often the bacon will leave the sauce salty enough. Cook on low simmer for at least three hours. You can also make the mixture up to this point and put it in a Crockpot for the day. Because of the tomatoes and carrots, a side salad isn’t necessary, although you can serve one if you like. This makes a ton of sauce. Divide in half and freeze half for another day before adding 1 pound cooked spaghetti to the pot and stir until pasta and sauce are mixed together. Serve with Parmesan cheese on the side, if you want. I serve my spaghetti with garlic bread, which I make from the large French loaves ($1.49). I slice the bread into about 1-inch pieces and slather on butter and garlic powder. I wrap it up in aluminum foil and cook at 350-degree oven for 30 minutes.

Pounded pork cutlets and chorizo collard greens
(Cost $11.30)
Boneless pork, whatever’s cheapest. Boneless loin chops work well, as do any “country-style’ ribs
1 cup bread crumbs
1 cup grated Parmesan cheese
1 teaspoon herbes de Provence
3 tablespoons mayonnaise
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon onion powder
3 tablespoons canola oil
Pound each piece of pork between two pieces of plastic wrap until about a ¼-inch thick. Mix the bread crumbs, Parmesan cheese, herbes de Provence and onion and garlic powder on a plate. Spread thin layer of mayonnaise on each side of the pounded meat and dredge in the bread crumb mixture until the meat is covered. Heat 3 tablespoons canola oil in a large skillet and place meat in heated skillet. Cook, turning once, until browned on both sides.

Collard greens
1 package prepared collard greens
½ package chorizo
Chicken broth
Remove casings from chorizo and brown in the bottom of a ceramic-covered Dutch oven. Drain excess grease if necessary – you want some grease for the greens, but not too much. Add collard greens and cook until starting to wilt. Add about a cup of chicken stock and simmer for at least 30 minutes.
*Best fried chicken ever (*if you don’t believe me, I’ll make you some)
(Meal with cole slaw costs $11.26)
2 cups canola oil
1 whole chicken cut up or one family-size package of drumsticks
2 cups white whole wheat flour (I use King Arthur flour, which makes the best fried chicken IMO)
Lawrys seasoned salt
Ground black pepper
2 cups milk
This chicken will be an immediate family favorite. I try to make enough so I have leftovers for the following recipe, but if you have a hungry family, they may eat everything, like mine did. Heat ½ to ¾ inches oil in an electric skillet set at 350-degrees. Cut up a whole chicken into 10 pieces or just take the drumsticks and place in a shallow plastic storage container with milk or buttermilk, which adds a little extra flavor. Place flour, Lawry’s seasoning salt and black pepper in a clean paper bag (save the outer bags when you get a grocery order double-bagged, or ask for an unused paper bag). Drop milk-coated chicken pieces in the bag and shake (carefully, the more pieces you have the more the bag will want to tear). Place coated chicken pieces in hot oil and cook 15 minutes on a side. Drain on a paper-towel covered plate. Serve with homemade coleslaw

Homemade coleslaw
1 head green cabbage, sliced into strips using a mandolin or a knife
1 cup Miracle Whip sandwich spread
1 tablespoon sugar
1 teaspoon black pepper
1 teaspoon salt (or to taste)
1 tablespoon cider vinegar
Mix all ingredients together. It’s tastier the longer it sits.

Chicken tacos ole
(Costs $8.07)
2 tablespoons canola oil
Leftover chicken skinned and cut into small pieces
1 teaspoon chile powder
1 teaspoons ground cumin
½ teaspoon dried coriander
½ teaspoon garlic powder
½ teaspoon onion powder
1 package seasoned corn and black beans (this often comes with tomatoes, peppers and onions)
Taco shells
Shredded lettuce
Shredded cheese
Sour cream
Taco or hot sauce
Skin leftover chicken and remove meat from the bones and shred it. Heat oil in a skillet and add meat and spices and onion and garlic powder. Add seasoned corn and black beans. Cook until everything is warmed through, about 5 minutes. Heat taco shells in oven according to package directions. Set out the shredded lettuce (I finely cut whatever lettuce I have in the refrigerator), shells, hot sauce and sour cream. Let the family built their own tacos.

Potato leek soup with toasty cheese sandwiches
(Costs $12.32)
2 large leeks sliced into ¼ inch rings and cleaned
4 to 5 potatoes, peeled and cut into large 1-inch pieces
Chicken stock
Salt to taste
Pepper to taste
Jalapeno pepper minced
Loaf of sturdy rustic bread, sliced
Cheese, what do you like? Cheddar, mozzarella, provolone, Monterey jack, Colby
Clean the leeks by cutting into rings and placing into large container or sink full of water. Fish the rings out and drain on paper towels, leaving the grit behind. Place in ceramic-covered Dutch oven, along with potato pieces and one quart of chicken stock. Add salt and pepper to taste, but be careful many stocks already have lots of salt, so you may want to hold off. Add jalapeno peppers to taste. Simmer on stove for about 30 to 45 minutes. Using an immersable blender, blend soup until creamy. Serve hot.
To make the sandwiches, cut bread into ½ -inch pieces and add cheese. Spray the outsides of the bread with aerosol olive oil and toast in a medium-hot skillet, flipping once until both sides are browned and cheese is melted.

Accounting:
(All items were priced/purchased at Von’s and Ralph’s in Ventura in mid-October)
Beefy spaghetti ala Bolognese
4 pieces bacon, cut into ½ inch pieces $0.75
1 pounds ground beef (get the more inexpensive, fattier meat. You’re going to drain excess grease and the meat will be more flavorful). $4.71 for 1.35 pounds at $3.49 a pound.
1 onion, chopped into ¼ inch pieces, $0.89
3 large carrots peeled and diced into ¼ inch pieces $0.74
2 to 3 cloves garlic, minced $0.06
1 bay leave $0.18
Oregano $0.18
Thyme $0.18
2 large cans crushed tomatoes with puree, $2.99 for 28 ounces
½ cup red wine $0.25 (1/2 cup Charles Shaw merlot aka Two-buck Chuck)
¾ cup milk $0.15
Salt to taste
Spaghetti $0.99 a pound, if it’s on sale
Pounded pork cutlets and chorizo collard greens
Boneless pork, whatever’s cheapest. Boneless loin chops work well, as do any “country-style’ ribs $4.28 for 1.43 pounds
Bread crumbs $0.31
Parmesan cheese $.50
Herbes de Provence $0.36
Mayonnaise $0.15
Garlic powder $0.18
Onion powder $.18
Collard greens
1 package prepared collard greens $3.69
½ package chorizo $1.09
Chicken broth $1.99
2 cups canola oil. $1.00 (savings tip, keep leftover grease, drained of any flour or other solids, in a jar and re-use)
*Best fried chicken ever (*if you don’t believe me, I’ll make you some)
1 whole chicken cut up or one family-size package of drumsticks $5.45
White whole wheat flour (I use King Arthur flour, which makes the best fried chicken IMO) $0.49
Lawrys seasoned salt $.025
Ground black pepper $0.25
Milk $0.40
Homemade coleslaw
1 cup Miracle Whip sandwich spread $1.88
1 tablespoon sugar $.02
1 teaspoon black pepper $0.25
1 teaspoon salt (or to taste) $0.02
1 tablespoon cider vinegar $0.06
1 head green cabbage, sliced into strips using a mandolin or a knife $1.19
Mix the first five ingredients together until you have a smooth dressing and toss with the cabbage. You can also add shredded carrots if you have some leftover from making the Spaghetti Bolognese. It’s tastier the longer it sits.

Chicken tacos ole
2 tablespoons canola oil $.04
Leftover chicken skinned and cut into small pieces
Chile powder $0.37
Ground cumin $0.37
Dried coriander $0.37
Garlic powder $0.37
Onion powder $0.37
1 package seasoned corn and black beans (this often comes with tomatoes, peppers and onions) $2.49
Taco shells $1.39 (10 jumbo)
Shredded lettuce $0.24
Cheese $1.25
Sour cream $0.75
Taco or hot sauce $0.10

Potato leek soup with toasty cheese sandwiches
2 large leeks sliced into ¼ inch rings and cleaned $2.99
4 to 5 potatoes, peeled and cut into large 1-inch pieces $1.74
Chicken stock $1.99
Salt to taste
Pepper to taste
Jalapeno pepper minced $0.50
Olive oil spray $0.10
Loaf of sturdy rustic bread, sliced $1.49 (Von’s whole wheat French bread)
Cheese, what do you like? cheddar, mozzarella, provolone, Monterey jack, colby $3.50

Nutrition Facts
Spaghetti ala Bolognese
8 Servings


Amount Per Serving

Calories 407.1

Total Fat 22.5 g

Saturated Fat 9.0 g

Polyunsaturated Fat 1.3 g

Monounsaturated Fat 9.6 g

Cholesterol 67.8 mg

Sodium 185.6 mg

Potassium 428.2 mg

Total Carbohydrate 27.6 g

Dietary Fiber 2.8 g

Sugars 3.1 g

Protein 18.4 g


Vitamin A 41.7 %

Vitamin B-12 33.8 %

Vitamin B-6 16.8 %

Vitamin C 12.3 %

Vitamin D 0.0 %

Vitamin E 2.4 %

Calcium 8.0 %

Copper 9.5 %

Folate 17.0 %

Iron 19.9 %

Magnesium 10.2 %

Manganese 27.7 %

Niacin 26.8 %

Pantothenic Acid 5.3 %

Phosphorus 17.4 %

Riboflavin 14.0 %

Selenium 36.6 %

Thiamin 16.0 %

Zinc 22.3 %






*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet. Your daily values may be higher or lower depending on your calorie needs.








Nutrition Facts
Pounded pork cutlets
4 Servings

Amount Per Serving

Calories 745.9

Total Fat 43.0 g

Saturated Fat 13.9 g

Polyunsaturated Fat 7.1 g

Monounsaturated Fat 18.7 g

Cholesterol 205.1 mg

Sodium 773.8 mg

Potassium 894.7 mg

Total Carbohydrate 10.7 g

Dietary Fiber 0.7 g

Sugars 0.8 g

Protein 75.2 g


Vitamin A 4.8 %

Vitamin B-12 28.5 %

Vitamin B-6 46.5 %

Vitamin C 4.9 %

Vitamin D 0.0 %

Vitamin E 14.4 %

Calcium 43.5 %

Copper 10.4 %

Folate 6.9 %

Iron 20.4 %

Magnesium 17.3 %

Manganese 6.9 %

Niacin 66.0 %

Pantothenic Acid 17.8 %

Phosphorus 72.7 %

Riboflavin 44.4 %

Selenium 155.4 %

Thiamin 145.3 %

Zinc 38.6 %






*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet. Your daily values may be higher or lower depending on your calorie needs.








Nutrition Facts
Collard greens with chorizo
4 Servings

Amount Per Serving

Calories 288.2

Total Fat 22.5 g

Saturated Fat 8.4 g

Polyunsaturated Fat 2.2 g

Monounsaturated Fat 10.7 g

Cholesterol 50.5 mg

Sodium 1,100.3 mg

Potassium 393.2 mg

Total Carbohydrate 3.6 g

Dietary Fiber 1.3 g

Sugars 0.2 g

Protein 17.3 g


Vitamin A 48.0 %

Vitamin B-12 21.0 %

Vitamin B-6 18.6 %

Vitamin C 21.2 %

Vitamin D 0.0 %

Vitamin E 4.8 %

Calcium 6.1 %

Copper 6.1 %

Folate 15.9 %

Iron 6.8 %

Magnesium 3.7 %

Manganese 12.4 %

Niacin 22.9 %

Pantothenic Acid 7.6 %

Phosphorus 12.6 %

Riboflavin 14.5 %

Selenium 19.8 %

Thiamin 25.4 %

Zinc 14.0 %






*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet. Your daily values may be higher or lower depending on your calorie needs.








Nutrition Facts
Best fried chicken ever
4 Servings

Amount Per Serving

Calories 408.6

Total Fat 9.5 g

Saturated Fat 3.4 g

Polyunsaturated Fat 1.4 g

Monounsaturated Fat 3.0 g

Cholesterol 73.6 mg

Sodium 5,352.3 mg

Potassium 263.0 mg

Total Carbohydrate 52.8 g

Dietary Fiber 8.6 g

Sugars 6.2 g

Protein 31.3 g


Vitamin A 6.2 %

Vitamin B-12 5.3 %

Vitamin B-6 21.0 %

Vitamin C 2.3 %

Vitamin D 0.0 %

Vitamin E 0.2 %

Calcium 17.7 %

Copper 5.2 %

Folate 1.6 %

Iron 12.6 %

Magnesium 7.8 %

Manganese 15.1 %

Niacin 36.8 %

Pantothenic Acid 8.8 %

Phosphorus 16.2 %

Riboflavin 7.8 %

Selenium 20.2 %

Thiamin 4.6 %

Zinc 9.1 %






*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet. Your daily values may be higher or lower depending on your calorie needs.







Nutrition Facts
Homemade cole slaw
4 Servings

Amount Per Serving

Calories 165.2

Total Fat 12.1 g

Saturated Fat 2.0 g

Polyunsaturated Fat 6.1 g

Monounsaturated Fat 0.0 g

Cholesterol 0.0 mg

Sodium 989.6 mg

Potassium 120.0 mg

Total Carbohydrate 14.1 g

Dietary Fiber 1.2 g

Sugars 7.4 g

Protein 0.7 g


Vitamin A 1.2 %

Vitamin B-12 0.0 %

Vitamin B-6 2.2 %

Vitamin C 24.1 %

Vitamin D 0.0 %

Vitamin E 0.3 %

Calcium 2.4 %

Copper 0.9 %

Folate 4.8 %

Iron 2.5 %

Magnesium 2.1 %

Manganese 5.5 %

Niacin 0.7 %

Pantothenic Acid 0.6 %

Phosphorus 1.1 %

Riboflavin 1.2 %

Selenium 0.6 %

Thiamin 1.5 %

Zinc 0.6 %






*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet. Your daily values may be higher or lower depending on your calorie needs.








Nutrition Facts
Chicken tacos ole
4 Servings

Amount Per Serving

Calories 634.4

Total Fat 28.9 g

Saturated Fat 8.2 g

Polyunsaturated Fat 7.1 g

Monounsaturated Fat 10.1 g

Cholesterol 114.4 mg

Sodium 505.8 mg

Potassium 802.8 mg

Total Carbohydrate 59.2 g

Dietary Fiber 10.1 g

Sugars 3.8 g

Protein 37.9 g


Vitamin A 23.2 %

Vitamin B-12 9.1 %

Vitamin B-6 40.0 %

Vitamin C 31.8 %

Vitamin D 0.0 %

Vitamin E 15.4 %

Calcium 20.4 %

Copper 15.0 %

Folate 43.3 %

Iron 25.8 %

Magnesium 35.0 %

Manganese 30.3 %

Niacin 45.8 %

Pantothenic Acid 22.7 %

Phosphorus 47.8 %

Riboflavin 24.0 %

Selenium 36.0 %

Thiamin 27.4 %

Zinc 30.0 %






*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet. Your daily values may be higher or lower depending on your calorie needs.








Nutrition Facts
Potato leek soup
4 Servings

Amount Per Serving

Calories 164.8

Total Fat 2.9 g

Saturated Fat 0.8 g

Polyunsaturated Fat 0.7 g

Monounsaturated Fat 1.2 g

Cholesterol 2.5 mg

Sodium 1,583.3 mg

Potassium 767.9 mg

Total Carbohydrate 22.0 g

Dietary Fiber 2.0 g

Sugars 2.1 g

Protein 13.1 g


Vitamin A 16.5 %

Vitamin B-12 8.4 %

Vitamin B-6 19.5 %

Vitamin C 29.7 %

Vitamin D 0.0 %

Vitamin E 2.8 %

Calcium 4.5 %

Copper 22.5 %

Folate 12.2 %

Iron 12.5 %

Magnesium 8.7 %

Manganese 42.0 %

Niacin 33.7 %

Pantothenic Acid 5.3 %

Phosphorus 20.0 %

Riboflavin 8.7 %

Selenium 9.2 %

Thiamin 8.1 %

Zinc 5.0 %






*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet. Your daily values may be higher or lower depending on your calorie needs.








Nutrition Facts
Toasty cheese sandwiches
4 Servings

Amount Per Serving

Calories 514.5

Total Fat 27.1 g

Saturated Fat 13.1 g

Polyunsaturated Fat 3.5 g

Monounsaturated Fat 8.9 g

Cholesterol 59.5 mg

Sodium 672.1 mg

Potassium 345.4 mg

Total Carbohydrate 48.1 g

Dietary Fiber 5.6 g

Sugars 0.0 g

Protein 21.8 g


Vitamin A 12.0 %

Vitamin B-12 7.8 %

Vitamin B-6 10.4 %

Vitamin C 0.0 %

Vitamin D 1.7 %

Vitamin E 9.8 %

Calcium 43.9 %

Copper 12.6 %

Folate 14.5 %

Iron 18.1 %

Magnesium 22.7 %

Manganese 87.1 %

Niacin 16.8 %

Pantothenic Acid 5.2 %

Phosphorus 46.3 %

Riboflavin 23.6 %

Selenium 62.3 %

Thiamin 15.9 %

Zinc 21.0 %






*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet. Your daily values may be higher or lower depending on your calorie needs.




s

Update on Lindsay and Ryan

Well, we're taking back some of the bad things we've said about Ventura cops because in this case they've been exemplary. Lindsay said they caught the other guy. Sean checked with some police contacts he has as the result of his job at KEYT and they say these two appear to just be losers from Oxnard and not gangbangers or otherwise professional criminals/psychos.

Ryan is healing. He looks as well as can be expected for someone who got the crap kicked out of him. The police and doctors think these guys must have had brass knuckles or quarters or something because the damage to Ryan's face is pretty extensive, although he was very lucky not to have lost or chipped any teeth and he has no apparent skull or jaw fractures.

Lindsay has been dealing with all of the assorted paperwork and appointments, which is considerable between the attack and the truck being demolished. I have to say that it concerns me that Ryan is going through this seeing as he's my astrological twin. I'm finally emerging from quite the little tailspin of my own and the karmic goblins that were affecting me seem to have landed on Ryan. I hope they move on soon.

The police have been great about pursuing this case. They say it's really great that Lindsay called 911 before the first blow was even landed because they were able to catch one of the guys, which isn't often the case in stranger attack.

Singing my little heart out

After all the surgeries and recuperation of the past year, I decided I wanted to do something fun and challenging for myself. I had been reading about the Master Chorale of Ventura County for years when I worked at the newspaper. I had always wanted to join, but because I worked nights, it seemed out of the question. I was assigned a story about the Children's Choir, which is part of the Master Chorale. I remembered how I'd always wanted to join so I auditioned and they let me in on the spot, which was really cool, since none of the other people I was with made it.

I'm really out of shape vocally after having not sung in over 10 years, and it's been hard. This is a pretty rigorous group with high musicianship demands. Part of my problem is that I've been made a soprano. I'm actually a mezzo soprano and have always felt more comfortable as an alto.

The higher notes are a real struggle for me and it's been hard to expand my range. I've often ended up losing my voice by the end of rehearsals, although that's getting better. But I still need to have throat lozenges available to keep me from getting all chocked up in my throat when I sing too high.

Tonight is our first concert. I've been working really hard on the music, but last night when I was singing, reaching really hard for a high note, one of the other choir members came over and said. "You might want to sing that note" -- and she pointed to the high G-sharp "an octave lower because it really isn't ..." and she trailed off and made a face like she smelled something bad.

My confidence shot, I avoided all high notes for the rest of practice and my throat started to tighten, which it does when I try not to sing loud because I think I suck. Sigh. I'll update this after the concert.

Update: The concert went really well. I was able to calm down the more I realized that I was in a choir and so my chances of messing up were greatly decreased. One a side note, I had chili for dinner and note to self: chili isn't really good pre-singing food, what with all the ensuring burping.

On a more serious note, Ryan was hurt last night when he was attacked outside a bar. He, Lindsay and a couple of friends were out and as they left some random guys started yelling at them and followed them out. Then one of them punched Ryan, who went down, he got up and was hit again and the guys kicked Ryan in the head. Lindsay called the police.

She said the 911 call wasn't one of the high points of her life, but I think most of us would be freaked out if someone came and randomly attacked us. The police showed up really fast, which was great and Lindsay says one of the guys ran away and she doesn't know what happened with him. the other guy attacked the police and was, needless to say, arrested. Poor Ryan has a badly broken nose and will require surgery tomorrow.

This just happened a week after Ryan's truck, which was parked on the side of the road was hit and totaled by some drunk driver at 2 a.m., who then tried to flee the scene on foot. As someone who's just been through a karmic black hole, I can only extend my greatest sympathies and hope he gets through all of this crap OK. On the bright side, they seem to have caught two of the guys, and they'll both likely have their entire lives ruined for having done this to Ryan. We can only hope.