Wedding wrapup

Well, it's come and gone and I'm starting to recover. I'm feeling the intense sense of relief when something you've been working for for a long time, something you've put an enormous amount of energy, both physical and emotional, into, has passed. Each day I realize I have nothing left to plan. No more lists to review. No more ideas to hatch.

It was the party of my lifetime and it went off really well. Of course, I'm obsessing over all the things I DIDN'T get done. The groomsmen never had corsages -- I never got to it. I did the cake at the last moment, but it looked pretty. I didn't get a chance to take a picture before the bride had hacked into it. I made a throwing bouquet and I was able to find perfect orchids at the Ventura Farmer's market right Saturday morning.

I got a late start to the day because I had an obligation from 9 to 10 a.m. I couldn't get out of. Then I had to get the orchid and some more cash. So it was late when I got home. Rob and I got into one of our customary pre-Big Event fights. It has a lot more to do with a fundamental lack of complimentary work styles. I'm direct and can get hyper. Rob can dither and get scattered. Scattered can make me frantic. It gets ugly.

Then the middle refrigerator door shelf decided to take this moment to completely shatter when I opened the refrigerator door. The shelves on our Samsung developed cracks within a year of having the fridge. Everything -- barbecue sauce, A-1, salad dressings, pickles, mustards and other condiments shattered on our tile floor.

I couldn't handle it and left Rob to clean up the mess, which he had to get to right away because of the pets.

When I got to Ojai, I was the first one there. It was 11:30 a.m., which wasn't a really good sign. But I enjoyed the peace. The first person to arrive was Lindsay's hair stylist we'd hired for the day. Soon there was a steady trickle and I was running around. My big task was to get the alter ready. I had brought climbing red roses from my backyard. I'd been planning on using them for months and they were almost spent, but they still looked good. Problems with balancing proved as difficult as I'd thought they would, so arranging the flowers was a challenge.

I was able to get the perfect effect with the climbing roses. then I put white lilies in clear vases with white and clear pebbles on the bottom on top of small white columns. I brought bunch of ivy from home and we ran that from the vases down the columns and filled the vases with white lilies. These were framed in back by four silver vases of multicolored gladiolas.

These came from fiftyflowers.com, which I highly recommend. The gladiolas were an amazing array of colors and were spectacular as they opened. I also had ordered calla lilies, the kind with a tinge of pink on the edges and 6,000 rose petals. The white lilies, along with stargazers, regular yellow and red lilies and alstroemera came from my local flower guy who gives me really great flowers for a really good price.

Rob got the idea to give the flowers to a local hospital and after the wedding, we left some there for the senior center and gave some to a convalescent care center behind Ojai Valley Hospital. We felt so good about ourselves we went and spit on some homeless people to make up for it.

The tables looked good, with green and blue napkins and the little boxes looked great. After I'd filled all the favor boxes I'd bought to replaced the printed ones -- seriously about two hours later, the printed ones arrived. So I had to move all 300+ cookies to the new boxes. The package also contained little fabric dark red roses with fabric leaves, which looked perfect on the boxes. So I hot-glued them all on. I also printed out programs for the wedding on some really good stock I got from Michaels'. I used a picture of Ryan and Lindsay on them and I thought they looked good.

The centerpieces were a bit of a disappointment because the tables tilted and they didn't get quite the floating effect I was looking for. But they didn't look bad. The 6,000 rose petals looked fantastic on the tables.

My nephew Sean took on the role of coordinator. We weren't going to hire someone because we thought they'd get in the way. Sean stepped up and ordered us all around like a pro. He had to yell at me to get going and I was able to get home, dressed and back to Ojai in an hour. I was 15 minutes late, but hey, a good wedding should always keep you waiting.

The ceremony was really lovely. Sweet, simple and loving. My friend Kim sang, the flowers looked lovely. The bridal party looked gorgeous. The groomsmen looked handsomely studly. There was even the obligatory cute moment when the ringbearer got confused and had to be helped over to his place by one of the groomsmen.

We had cocktail hour and Miguel from Dearmore Catering, where Lindsay had worked for years, had made all kinds of fresh fruits, guacamole, cheese and stuffed mushrooms. Janine took lots of pictures. The dinner was fabulous, with tritip, salmon, chicken, rice and salad. I was really pleased.

The toasts were nice, although the DJ did thank the hosts Briggs Gamblin and Nicholas Guzik, which kind of stuck under my craw, especially as I ran around at the end handing out ungodly amounts of money, in addition to the money I'd already spent. Briggs had kicked in some cash and deserved a shout out, but this was mostly Rob and me.

It was kind of weird because Rob and I knew so few of the people at the wedding. Lindsay is my little outgoing dynamo and she knows more people than Bill Clinton, so she had tons of friends to invite. By about 9 p.m. I was so tired I was about to collapse, so Rob and I headed home. The party continued from only about another hour or so, although it moved to Dave and Mark's (groomsman and best man's) apartment.

Lindsay has been running around saying she felt as though she had "a $20,000 wedding." She's got to be kidding. It would have cost a lot more, but we really saved by renting the Little House of Ojai, which is an amazing site for very little money. Dearmore Catering did the wedding at cost, plus a tip -- I made sure it was a good one. The flowers were a lot less expensive than if they'd been done by a florist and to-it-yourself decorations would be good if I were better at guaging how much I need. The rentals were what rentals are and there's not too much you can do about it. We did get a professional discount through the Dearmore connection. So it worked out well as far as bang for the buck. But the incidentals, the special makeup and hair people, the wedding cake, the five host help people at $25 an hour and the dress and veil all add up. The only things we didn't pay for were the DJ and the wine, beer and liquor, which is fair considering that Rob and I don't drink (although we do dance).

My dad came for the wedding, as did Paula and her family. The rest of the family was unable to make it. Joyce and Jennifer were going to come but got sick at the last minute. Mary is in some kind of snit with Briggs that she will eventually get over and come to regret. But that will be her problem. Courtney couldn't come. And now she has gallstones, so she's in no condition to go anywhere. Rick, Marilyn and Duncan all came out, which was great and Colin and Sean were there. But it's expensive to get to California and especially Ventura during Memorial Day weekend, so there wasn't more family, which is sad.

So now it's all over. It's starting to hit me that this is it. Even if there are other marriages in the future, and I hope there aren't, we aren't going all out like this one. There are no more graduations, no more schooling, no more nothing. As one of the ladies at the Senior Center said -- Little House is a senior center on weekdays -- she's a grandmom and she just has to show up at weddings. I can't wait.

Lindsay's wedding

I have a bunch of stuff to write about Lindsay's wedding, which is now, thank God, a treasured memory, both for us and for our bank balance. It took place without a hitch on a gorgeous day in Ojai. The hitches happened before when we first discovered that Courtney couldn't be here and then after Joyce and Jennifer cancelled at the last moment because they were sick. I hear from everyone that there is some kind of nasty bug working its way around. It's one of those things that sucks but there's nothing you can do about it.

I'm posting a boatload of photos on my Flickr site, which is under my name or "Princey's pics."

Two of the highlights of the wedding were the toasts by the bridesmaids who stepped in for Courtney. Amber went first and everyone was impressed. It was well thought-out, funny and smart. And then Shelby came to the mike. She bemoaned having to follow Amber and then shared her poem she wrote. It was short and it was hysterical.

When Rob went back up to the place we rented for the wedding to clean up it turned out area animals had gotten into the trash and it was strewn all over. He found both speeches in the trash, so I'm transcribing them here for all to see and then Lindsay is going to put them up and save them:

First Shelby's toast:

She's his Leah to his Solo
He's her shot glass to her Barcardi O

Lindsay, at least you've still got your youth
He doesn't even care that
you're missing a tooth

Later tonight while he
kisses her lips
They'll make excellent
use of her birthing hips

When they're together it's
like totally hot
It'll end in divorce ... NOT!

Amber's toast
Hi everybody:

For those of you who don't know me, my name is Amber, and I'm here today as Lindsay Guzik's Maid of Honor. You know, if I'm Lindsay's idea of an honorable maiden, you can imagine ... Ryan's in for a pretty wild night. But before we get freaky, I have a few things to say.

Lindsay, I am honored to stand by your side today above all days.

On behalf of the bridesmaids and myself, I want to tell you how lovely and radiant you are today, and how pleased we are to share in this moment of bliss.

Lindsay and I have been friends for about seven years. Over that time, she has taught me a lot about friendship and loyalty. We have a wonderful and strong relationship, built on a foundation of honestly, trust and commitment. That bedrock has given rise to very many happy memories. Like the time she came to visit me in Santa Cruz as a birthday surprise, or the time I took her on her first roller coaster ride. Yeah, that one was mostly happy for me. Of all the great memories, the fondest memory I will now have is watching her marry this wonderful and worthy man, the love of her life, Ryan.

Congratulations to you both!

One barrier I faced while thinking of what to say in this speech was the feeling that I don't know Ryan as well as I would like. I know he's tall and handsome and funny and my representative in California's state legislature, but other than that ... I'm lacking insights. He could be into dressing up like Captain Kirk* for all I know.

But as I was thinking about that, it dawned on me that I will have all my life to get to know him, because if I know Lindsay, I know the strength of her dedication, it's like a vise ... on my head ... and my vision begins to distort ... honestly, she's loyal to a fault. Even through her ... substantial ... jitters, she's made it clear that this is a couple that doesn't cross their fingers, they roll up their sleeves. There are no two people more loyal and loving, honest and hardworking, or deserving of happiness than Lindsay and Ryan.

Be good to each other. Be gentle, and you will be strong. You make one another shine. I love you both very much.

Now I would like you all to please raise your glasses and join me in a toast.

Today we all celebrate love. Your love, and what you have in each other: a best friend, a coach, a sweetheart and a partner for life. CHEERS!
*Editor's note: Kirk, not so much, however, he DOES have Spock ears -- seriously. Lindsay won't let him wear them.

The first wedding crisis

So I'd ordered personalized boxes back on April 23 from this online place called efavormart. When I'd heard nothing back by May 14, I started emailing them. They gave me a tracking number, but said my items would be "printed shortly." They had said they needed 7-10 days and this was three weeks after the order date so I wrote them asking where my order was. They stopped replying to my emails, despite the fact that they promise 24-48 hour email answer turnaround. They have no phone number listed (which I hadn't noticed when I placed the order) and there's no listing for the parent Company, Ya Ya Creations, online.

Sure, I should have looked a little harder or at least done a Google check, which immediately shows problems with this place. But it seemed like a good deal and I took a foolish leap of greedy faith. I've started a complaint with Paypal (I, at least, went through them) and have cancelled the order. I will trot out the other two items on my repertoire of get-backs to crappy companies: report them to the Federal Trade Commission and to the California State Attorney General's office. I love siccing the bureaucratic dogs on unethical people.

In the meantime I had the problem of needing approximately 150 little boxes because I had a bright idea of baking wedding cookies as the wedding favor. I made the mistake of mentioning it to Lindsay in passing, and she loved the idea. I tried to replace it with wildflower seeds or personalized M&Ms or something -- I quickly decided the idea of baking more than 300 cookies wasn't as appealing to me as it seemed to the Bride. But Lindsay would have none of my attempts at diversion so I was stuck. I decided on two cookies apiece because: A. One cookie seems kind of stupid, sitting all alone like that and B. two cookies can kind of symbolize the marriage of two people ... or something.

I set out to Michael's crafts and found the kind of boxes I need, and all of the other stuff that I'd ordered from efavormart (write than name down and avoid it all all costs). I found the aisle runner, the tulle -- yards and yard of tulle -- ribbons and other wedding stuff. I then headed to the local office supply store and got some silver metallic labels and put the information on top in burgundy script --- I just LOVE computers. I also found some truffle, candy holders (like tiny cupcake holders) to put the cookies in.

I baked up the 300-plus cookies. This took eight batches of dough and two nights. These are Courtney's favorite Christmas cookie, but I told her that she'll never see them again after this. I've used all my Christmas tins to store the cookies. While it wasn't planned, the recipe for the cookies is perfect for this because it has no eggs. It's just butter, flour, sugar, ground nuts and vanilla. But they are a pain to make because each ball has to be individually rolled into a ball and then that ball is rolled TWICE -- on two occasions, hot and cold --in confectioner's sugar.

We're going to put stretchy ribbons on them (the kind that kind of looks like ponytail holders, with elastic).

I've also realized how many flowers I've ordered. This is one of those many times when I realize I've lost my mind. So far I've ordered about 300 flowers -- Stargazer lilies, white lilies, Peruvian lilies, regular lilies, gladiolas and calla lilies for the bridesmaids to carry (with an elegant ribbon). AND I have to arrange them all the day of ... and I need at least 30 vases, and stakes to stabilize them on the ground and tons of floral tape to bind the stems so I can arrange them better ... sigh.

On the bright side, away from the darkness of my flower insanity, I found the perfect dress at Nordstram's Rack. As I told Rob there was little selection, but what does that matter when one of the choices was the perfect dress? Lindsay and I head to Ojai tomorrow to pick up the orchid frond(s) she'll carry. I just love cymbidium fronds -- tied with ribbon and it will be lovely. I haven't decided on the boutonniere yet, but with more than 300 flowers, I'm sure I can manage something.

It's like I explained to Rob -- because we really don't have the money now for this -- I never had the wedding of my dreams, through my own choices, but even so. I never even went to prom -- we were all hippies and went for a three-day "discovery" in the woods. I've never even been a bridesmaid, not even for my siblings. I've actually never attended an event where I wore a formal gown. So I've loved having girls and I loved being able to buy them their gowns for proms. They've both been beautiful bridesmaids. And now I get to see one of them get married the way I've always wanted to do it.

Courtney eloped with Dave and then had a weddin' (the origin of the usage) a year later. It was a lovely ceremony and I made the food, which turned out great -- lasagna. But we were broke as usual and didn't have the money and it really wasn't the same thing as a first-time wedding. It was also in Ohio, so I couldn't do much planning.

So this is my one time to do this the way I've always wanted. I mean the choices are the bride's and Lindsay has no problems asserting herself in the planning. But on my part, we can make sure we have nice chairs and there are tons and tons of flowers and candles and I want to look as good as I can at 50-plus and overweight. Hell I'm so psyched I bought stuff for a pedicure. I wonder if Teva makes a wedding sandal? :-)

Grandmom's boy

This whole grandmother things is such a revelation. When I had my girls, I was consumed with love for both of them. I loved watching them become little people in their own rights. It's such an added joy to watch as something that you basically grew -- kind of like a tomato plant -- actually turns into a full-fledged human adult being.

The childhood years are so much fun; just watching them learn and explore. Then they become teenagers and you realize that Nature in all her Glory made adolescents completely repulsive so that parents are more than ready to detach and let the little bastards fly free.

Now a whole new phase is here: Grandparenting. First off, it sounds fatal, which I'm not too sure I like. Grandparents don't live that long in your life. They're cherished and they have a huge impact in many cases, but they tend to be gone by your 20s and 30s. Even the ones who live longer are often so feeble that their impact is almost gone.

Then there's the whole gravitas aspect of grandparenting. You're supposed to be all wise and old; full of experience and knowledge. While I was ready to be a parent, I'm not sure I'm ready to be a dignified old person.

Be that as it may, I'm a grandmom and I'm finding that I'm drawn more and more to my little grandson. He is seriously one of the funniest babies I've ever seen. I'm not sure what it is because he's not even really talking, but he has a way that just cracks me up. He does things that are straight-out hilarious and then he'll just get involved with one of his little projects and I'm mesmerized.

Cody's shining moment during his last visit was when Lindsay had said something and we were all kind of laughing and Cody just burst in, saying really loud, "HA! HA! HA! HA!" Each Ha said clearly and distinctly from the other: it's totally making fun of whoever he's responding to. He kept doing it when we'd laugh and we'd crack up. Sometimes he'd try to make it more guffaw-y, like Courtney's horse laugh, but mostly he'd just do the HA! thing.

Courtney said they were in St. Louis between flights and they were hanging out at a restaurant. A man at the next table was there with some people she said acted like subordinates. The man told this really corny, lame joke and everyone, Courtney said, started to laugh politely because he WAS the boss, but it really wasn't funny. And Cody let loose with "HA! HA! HA! HA!" really loud, looking at the guy. Everyone just started to crack up -- rolling on the floor, tears streaming from the eyes cracked up. Courtney said the dude didn't know WHAT to do. Here's a 13-month-old making fun of him. So the guy just left.

Serves him right. If you can't laugh along with a baby, then you're way too much of an asshole IMO.

It's just that there's something about Cody -- a complete engagement with the world around him that's always been evident, that is absolutely compelling. He's a complete flirt and can be cajoled out of a crying fit just by the sight of someone smiling at him from across the room.

The kid's got a way. I called today and spoke with him. I was chirping into the phone making enthusiastic noises. I finally said, "Cody, do you miss your grandmom," at which he replied, "yeah" and gave the phone back to Courtney. I KNOW he didn't have a clue as to what I meant, or even if he heard me at all. But just the fact that he did it at the right time made me melt.

It's sad to be so far away. It will be even more sad when Alex is born because if all our instincts are right, he's going to be another Cody. It's times like these when it's hard to have your kid so far away.

The shower

 

Lindsay's bridal shower was an event befitting her. There were lots of people. There was lots of fuss. And it was a lot of fun.

There were two parts. Part 1: for the older people was the bridal shower held by Lindsay's future mother in law. She went all out, preparing tea sandwiches (which I LOVED -- I'm a total tea sandwich nut). She had games and prizes (I won two, but only got one prize ...). The cake was from the bakery that's doing the wedding cake, and it was really good. It has the whipped cream type of frosting, made with real butter, which I just love.

I had a lot of fun, but then I always have fun when I can crack myself up, which I do regularly -- such as when I dubbed Ryan "The Guz" in high school, to much hilarity, and it turned out to be his real nickname, which was even MORE hilarious. Amber and I were amusing each other and ourselves. I think the rest of the girls were just putting in their time until they could all head out in two limos to L.A. for dinner and drinks.

Alcohol was also available in the limos, so the girls had lots of boozy fun. I'm not sure when I ended up on the old side of the divide between fun and tradition, but I suppose it's a natural progression. I'm just not sure I'm ready. I suppose I must be because the thought of going to L.A. with a bunch of inebriated kids does nothing for me, but giggling about Ryan's nickname is actually a pretty good time.

Courtney enjoyed herself, although being eight months pregnant really doesn't put one in much of a partying mood. Besides it's not every day that an Ohio girl gets to take a limo to Hollywood to celebrate her sister's upcoming nuptuals.

Funnyman

 

Lindsay's bridal shower is this weekend. OK. Sigh, I can handle it. Ryan's mom is hosting, so I don't have to do anything. There will be games, which I abhor, but I'll play along in my usual sarcastic, obnoxious, but ever so clever, way.

We've all been saddened by the news that Courtney can't make it to the wedding. Her OB/GYN moved her due date up a couple of weeks so she will be two weeks from when she's expected to have baby No. 2, poor, leftover, second fiddle Alex. This pretty much precludes her from traveling and we were all bummed. Lindsay and Courtney have been extremely close their whole lives -- maybe it's the little extra genetic closeness they share, maybe it was in reaction to mommy and daddy being apart -- but they love each other dearly. So for Lindsay to get married without Courtney, who was going to be the matron of honor, is a really huge, hairy deal.

Last week Rob came up with the idea of Courtney coming out for the bridal shower. She can still travel, although it will be miserable. This was such a great idea and Courtney and Dave got the time off and here they are. Rob wanted it to be a surprise for Lindsay, but I had to hog telling her the news. I knew Courtney would tell her anyway. Rob's still fuming about that and I'm still gloating.

In anticipation of my grandson's visit, I wanted to make homemade graham crackers. I have this recipe in my cookie recipe book that I've wanted to try out and I want to give my grandson some healthy food while he's out here. He appears to be a milk junkie at the moment and it's a good idea to give him some other things to eat.

There I was last night, kneading the dough and rolling it out. Pricking it all over and baking it. I lovingly trimmed the crackers and put them in a container. When I got up I asked Rob if he'd tried one of my homemade graham crackers. He said,"What's the matter? Didn't they have them at the store?"

"What are you going to make next," he asked. "Saltines."

Ha. Ha. He's been repeating it all day, he's so proud of himself.

P.S. The graham crackers are really good and taste different from the store-bought ones.

David Sedaris ★ Steven Barclay Agency

Rob and I went to see one of our favorite authors, David Sedaris, in Santa Barbara on Saturday. I had bought the tickets for a performance by David Sedaris and Sarah Vowell as a Christmas present. I'd been searching for tickets to see David Sedaris for some time because I just love his readings on This American Life, so this seemed as though it would be a really fun thing for us to share. Rob and I rarely plan events for ourselves, so we were both pretty excited about this night out.

We had a blast.

We went to dinner at our favorite restaurant in Santa Barbara, The Paradise Cafe, which has the best hamburger around. It's oak grilled and you can get it medium and it's juicy and fantastic. I had a burger and Rob had a porterhouse steak. We made fun of the rich people -- well made fun of and envied them. There was the requisite perfectly groomed older woman whose hunched-over frailty was in direct contrast to her smooth, flawless face.

Plastic surgery in real life tends to look weird. The surgeons have it down so that there's nothing wrong with what you're seeing, but somehow up front and personal there's something jarring about a face that's seen a lot of surgery. It's too plastic, waxy and not quite real. I guess they call it plastic surgery for a reason.

There was the lady dressed in a thousand shades of green with green sunglasses. We named her The Riddler. It ended up she was going to the David Sedaris thing too and we spotted her taking her seat. I'm always taken aback by the money that's evident in Santa Barbara. I grew up around enough rich people to be able to spot the signs. Truly rich people don't tend to be all gaudy and gauche. They are understated. Their clothes look almost too casual and sloppy. But if you look closely, the haircuts are expensive and the accessories are for the rich only.

We finished our meal, which was leisurely because we got there with plenty of time and headed to the theater. The Arlington Theatre in Santa Barbara is built to resemble a Spanish courtyard, complete with adobe building fronts and a fake starry sky with painted trees. This was a good thing because it's also huge and you couldn't see the speakers. I mean you could see them all teeney up at the mike, but you couldn't make out facial features or anything.

David Sedaris started first by doing a really sarcastic piece on honesty in his stories. This is in response to an article by Alex Heard in The New Republic, an expose that reveals that Sedaris may sometimes exaggerate for comic effect. The article was roundly ridiculed by many in the literary world, including the Web site Gawker. They cite the example of Sedaris claiming he was sent to speech therapy because he was gay when, in fact, it was because he had a lisp. As it was pointed out by commentators, lisp = gay in South Carolina and in the 1950s.

Of course, something like this is way too much of a gimme for the satirist, who probably wrote Heard a thank you note, and if he hasn't he should. Sedaris' piece on honesty in his works was inspired. He ended up pondering why he should be called to task when such lies and prevarications -- like, say, weapons of mass destruction and imminent threats to the U.S., lies that have resulted in untold deaths -- are treated as "typos."

I had a great time, well, except for a couple of little things. Like the fact that my seat SUCKED and Rob wouldn't switch with me. The guy next to me had atomic breath. It was so bad it hit me like a supernuclear blast every time he laughed. This is a good way to establish a Pavlovian response. Every time Sedaris or Vowell -- who is also great -- would say something funny, I would cringe -- waiting for the wall of stink to envelop me. It was the kind of stink where you take your fingers to your nose and smell, a la Molly Shannon, to block out the other smell.

I kept trying to scootch away, but I couldn't see the stage below because there was a girl smack dab in my line of sight and she couldn't sit still. She'd go right, so I'd go left, so she'd shift left, so I'd go right and she'd go right, ad naseum. I was going to smack her. It's not as though there was much to see -- literary readings aren't exactly visual feasts -- but I at least wanted the option. No one was sitting in front of Rob, but he wouldn't switch. I probably shouldn't have told him about the bad breath.

Sedaris did some new material from early this year. It was pretty good, not as good as his lie riff, but it was good. Sarah Vowell likes to do satiric history humor. That sounds a lot more esoteric and nonfunny than it is. But she's good. She's got a real knack for the comic pop, so her bit about a cartographer from the 1800s who was hysterically unimpressed by the pioneering explorations he was undertaking, was really funny.

They did questions and answers but the venue was too big and it was awkward. We could have stayed for the book signing and meeting of the author after, but there were a ton of people there and Rob and I aren't stand in line for a rote meeting and signature kinds of people.

I always wonder why we don't do more of this kind of thing when we have so much fun every time we go out. Oh yeah, I forgot. We're lazy.

Hummingbirds

We kept noticing humming birds up by our front window today. There were a bunch of them in my peach tree, so I decided to take some pictures. The hummingbirds seem to have nested in our neighbor Dan's tree. I've spotted Dan sitting out front with his camera taking pictures of them.

Dan appears to be mad and Rob and me right now. We don't know why, but he turns his back when we come home and is quiet. He was the same way to our neighbor Ramsey, so who knows what it is. Our dogs were also hassling his dog, but his dog has hassled ours and is a LOT meaner. Who knows? And we really don't care because we're friendly neighbors -- we'll catch your dog if it's out or tell you if you've left the lights on in your car, but we're not best buddy neighbors.

Back to the hummingbirds. They've been going to the peach tree because it's been blooming. We have some of the most amazing hummingbirds here because Ventura is on a major migratory path and because of the temperate climate we see all kinds of birds that follow the coast.

The Weddin

 

 

My daughter, Lindsay, is getting married. This isn't a surprise -- she's been dating Ryan for years. But like with most things like this, I've been trying to avoid it until I absolutely have to deal with it.

The wedding is May 26. I absolutely have to deal with it. So today Lindsay, her friend Shelby and Lindsay's future mother-in-law, all piled in my pet-hair strewn car and went to Burbank to the Ikea store there. I'd been looking online for stuff to make into centerpieces at the wedding. It's going to be outside, so it seems a good bet to go with low centerpieces.

Lindsay wants a colorful wedding and I've arranged for my flower guy to deliver a bunch of flowers a few days ahead so they're open for the wedding. We're just going to assemble a bunch of the best flowers available, avoiding pastels and going for vibrant colors.

I decided to put one together to see how it would work. It's sitting outside now to see how it will work outside. Discovery No. 1; regular tea candles in those little tin dealies work just as well as floating candles. Wooo Woooooo.

It's getting to be kind of fun to wander into the L.A. area. I'd been to Ikea before, but this time we actually ate dinner in a downtown Burbank restaurant. I hadn't spent much time with Dorothy before so that was fun. Lindsay always talks about how sweet and nice she is, with that slight -- or not so slight -- reproving tone she likes to adopt. Despite that, Dorothy is still a lovely lady and we seemed to have the same attitude toward the task at hand, which was to get it done with.

Another test recipe

 

Cooks Illustrated sent me another recipe to test. It was a really good idea to go with two email addresses because I get so many more recipes this way. This recipe was for tangerine beef stir fry with onions and snow peas.

It's a fairly simple recipe and I served it with some chow main soba noodles. Rob, however, hated it. This in and of itself really doesn't mean anything. Rob is one of those people who uses food to gain power over whomever is cooking. By withholding his approval he -- by extension -- is showing is displeasure with the cook. Or, as I like to put it, he's getting back at mommy for not paying enough attention to him. Either way, he said he didn't like this recipe.

I, on the other hand, enjoyed it. The flavors are complex -- more complex than most Westerners are used to. One thing the Chinese enjoy a lot more than Americans is bitter flavor. Chinese cuisine works to balance five elements of taste: sweet, sour, spicy, salty, bitter. There is a general enjoyment of foods that are way too bitter for the Western palate. I once tried some bitter melon. I'm not sure what I expected, exactly, something called "bitter melon" is pretty much letting me know how it tastes. I was still shocked when I tasted it; maybe not so much because it was bitter, but more because it was impossible for me to understand how anyone would want to eat it.

This is a long way of saying that this dish had a real bitter element to it, which came from the tangerine zest. The bitterness wasn't overwhelming and in this case adds an interesting dimension to the dish. This was the most flawed recipe I've tried so far -- the onions are way overcooked, among other things, but I enjoyed it.

The. Best. Roast. Chicken. Ever

From time to time Rob goes to the store to do grocery shopping. I do most of it, but occasionally he heads out. He came back one day last spring with this really weird gadget he'd bought on sale. He said it was to roast chicken.


It wasn't impressive to look at: a small silver bowl and two large wires. Rob said it was advertised as being a roaster for barbecues and grills. I realized immediately that this was sort of a beer can chicken apparatus. But we don't have a grill that can accommodate a chicken in a vertical position.


It was easy to put together. I just snapped the wires into place. I put some wine in the bowl. I figured the whole reason beer can chicken works is that the heated beer steams through the roasting chicken. This doodad would allow the wine to get hot and because the chicken would be perched on the two wires, there would be more air circulating up into the chicken, along with the steam from the evaporating wine.


I have a pretty standard way of preparing roast chicken. I change the herbs around sometimes and alternate using wine and beer to put in the roasting bowl. But I always use lemon and I usually use shallots. I rinse the chicken off and squeeze the juice of a lemon all over the chicken, making sure to get the inside cavity. I then grate lemon zest onto the chicken skin. I place one lemon in the chicken cavity. I also put a few shallot cloves up there. I sprinkle the chicken with whatever herbs I'm using; I generally alternate among sage, rosemary, thyme, oregano and any combination. I then sprinkle garlic powder and onion powder. Finally I grind white pepper all over the chicken.


I place the chicken in a roasting pan and put it in a 350 degree oven for 1 1/2 to 2 hours. The smell is incredible and makes the house feel all homey, and the dogs love it. Our old cocker spaniel Jersey would just go and sit by the oven whenever I roasted chicken. She didn't want to waste any energy and she just love the smell of cooking bird.


The resulting bird is tender and juicy because the steam helps cook the bird. The flavors are amazing because the wine or beer vapors along with cooking shallots, lemons and herbs inside the chicken in in the bowl really add so much to the chicken. An added bonus of cooking the chicken this way is the skin is crispy all over and you can get to the little tenderloins on the back of the bird easily.

I've made chicken a million different ways over the years and this is really the best. It's better than a rotisserie because of the steaming of the meat and the skin is actually crisper this way than any other way of cooking, except for frying.

I have no idea where to get these little things. They're amazingly cheap -- as well they should be. They're an amazing innovation the world of roast chicken. I've seen some other vertical roasters out there, but this one works the best because it just uses wires to support the chicken. This is a case where less is definitely more.

Oh yeah, for the record, Rob claims this recipe as his because he found the little gadget. But it's not because a roasting gadget does not a great chicken make.

Apres Easter

 

 

 

 

This Easter turned out to be surprisingly festive. I had thought only a few people would come over, but we ended up with a full house: Lindsay and Ryan;Gen, Sean and Kaia; Colin and Tracey (late); Kim and Dennis; Dena, Kelly and Kelly's friend and Dave. I'd already bought a huge Honeybaked ham. I love Honeybaked ham for the holidays. I also had lamb to grill outside with garlic and fresh rosemary. We had new potatoes with green onions and parsley all from the farmer's market along with asparagus with lemon and butter and Rhodes rolls.

Because Dena is a vegetarian, I bought extra eggs to make an asparagus/Swiss cheese frittata. They take just minutes to make and really taste good. Dena was lucky to get a slice because everyone flocked over after I pulled the browned treat out of the oven. I was told it was the hit of the evening during the post-feast reviews. Basically I go, "how was the food?" and everyone has to say how great it was and how wonderful I am.

When I was making the frittata, Kim came over and wanted to know how to make one. They're so very easy and they can easily be incorporated into many of today's diets.

Asparagus/Swiss cheese/bacon frittata

8 eggs
3/4 cup whole milk
salt
fresh ground white pepper
3 tablespoons butter
20 spears lightly cooked asparagus cut into 1-inch pieces
8 ounces Swiss cheese
10 slices of cooked bacon

Beat the eggs and milk in a small bowl with a whisk. Add salt and pepper. Heat butter in an iron skillet. Add the asparagus spears and spread them out over the bottom of the skillet. Add bacon and spread it evenly around. Pour the egg mixture over the top and reduce the heat to medium. Add Swiss cheese slices, spread evenly over the top of the mixture. As the frittata cooks, loosen the edges with a spatula, letting the egg mixture flow through. Be careful not to scorch the frittata -- use your nose for this. The minute you smell the eggs beginning to overcook, turn the heat down and turn the pan. Cook the frittata until it seem set when you jiggle the skillet. The top will still be liquid, but everything underneath should be set. This takes about 7 t 8 minutes. Place the skillet in the broiler just under the flame and brown for about 1 to 2 minutes. Remove and slice to serve.
*A couple of notes: I add a LOT of cheese which makes it seem runny, although the egg is cooked through and it will set up when it cools. But you don't have to use so much. Whole milk works best, but you can use low-fat and low fat cheese. Serve this with a nice salad for really quick and good meal. Fritatta are extremely flexible, so mix it up. The best frittatas have some kind of vegetable along with the eggs and some cheese. Feel free to experiment.

Here comes Kaia Cottontail

As usual, it being a holiday and all, I'm all over Easter. I've been squirreling away candy -- especially Reeses peanut butter eggs, the small kind. It's kind of
like shovelling the walk in a blizzard -- Rob eats them as fast as I can buy them.

Actually, I've been cutting back because in past years I've thrown out pounds and pounds of candy. It's one of those overcompensating for the lean years -- like the year Briggs and I ended up putting real grass in the baskets because we couldn't find any at the last minute. But I've swung too far in the other direction and have been buying way too much, and I really don't eat that much candy, so it's wasteful.

But I've got my Easter decorations up. I buy stuff when it goes on sale after the holidays and I can get it dirt cheap. I ended up getting two bunny dolls last year -- they're really not as bad as they sound. They're dressed up in elaborate Beatrix Potter-type costumes and I have them waving out the front window. OK, I swear it's a lot cute than it sounds. I've got all kinds of other Bunny droppings around, including a bunny windsock, an Easter egg tree and assorted other decorations.

I have no idea why I do this every year, especially now that the children are gone, but I really enjoy it, so there you go. What's the harm?

We have Kaia come over each year to help dye Easter eggs. This year, I decided we'd make Easter nest cupcakes too, dying coconut green to look like grass and putting jelly beans in the middle. We discovered quickly that Kaia doesn't like coconut. Frankly I've never understood coconut haters, oh well.

Kaia is getting older. She's moving into full-on childhood, which comes with school I suppose. During the past few months since the start of school, she's exploded in her knowledge. She's reading and learning letters. She's counting and adding. She's at the "Watch me do this" phase, which my girls went through, when every hiccup was worthy of note. There's nothing wrong with this IMO. After all, if you can't get unfettered praise when you're 5 ...

We have a lot of fun working on my little projects; something I cherish for the fleeting thing it is. When the girls were little people always said, "the grow up so fast," and when you're in the middle of it, with the insane running around and craziness, those words seem like silly prattle. But they do. It's a cliche because it voices a universal truth.

I guess that's why they invented grandchildren.

Having a good time

I enjoy all kinds of odds and ends that make me really happy. I really like to decorate my house for holidays. I enjoy big flower arrangements that I make with flowers I buy at the Ojai Farmers Market each Sunday. I love bike rides to the beach, although I haven't been for a while. I kind of enjoy gardening, although the Southern California weeds are persistent and they can overwhelm me.

My very favorite pastime, however, is food. I subscribe to all kinds of food magazines, including Olive magazine from England, which is a real indulgence and one of my favorite things, what with all their puddings and everything being brilliant. I've had to learn another language because the Brits don't speak English -- seriously. Courgettes are zucchini, aubergine is eggplant, rocket is arugula, chips are french fries -- seriously when did English people stop speaking their eponymous language?

And don't give me the whole "it was their language first." Um, we're bigger, stronger and a whole lot cooler and we have Hollywood. Hollywood determines the popular culture for the world, at least the English-speaking portion of it; at least the American English speaking portion of it.

In addition to the weird language, I get a real kick out of reading Olive and looking at products available in Europe that aren't available here. Unfortunately I'm never going to be able to make a recipe from Olive seeing as how those difficult Brits have everything is weird measurements and temperature. Sure, I could convert the measurements -- after I smash into a wall head first. My head would explode either way.

Another magazine I get is Cook's Illustrated . This is an ad-free magazine that comes out six times a year. It basically gives practical cooking tips, explores recipes and reviews various cooking products. When I say explores recipes, I mean they really look into various standard recipes and see how to make them taste the best. Cooks Illustrated writers will dissect a recipe, looking at each ingredient and each cooking method to find the best way to make the best everything. If you need a great recipe for some favorite dish -- say sugar cookies, brisket or what have you, Cook's is the place to go.

I get periodic emails from them and I don't block them because they're usually pretty interesting and have a lot of information. I noticed one day that they were asking for people to sign up to test recipes for upcoming issues. They will send you a recipe and they ask to to prepare it and let them know how it went, what works and what is unclear. I had signed up some time ago, but I'd never heard back. I'm one of those people who lives in some kind of bureaucratic black hole. When it comes to forms, applications, queries, etc., things get lost. So I figured I'd try to sign up again, but this time I used my gmail account.

Lo and behold I received, not one, but two recipes to try out. One sent to my home account and one sent to my gmail account. One was for tiramisu and the other was for chicken tikka masala. I had a great time trying them out -- tracking down the right ingredients, making sure I had the right equipment.

The tiramisu recipe calls for rum, but I didn't want to use any alcohol in the cake for a number of reasons. I finally had a moment of clarity and realized that what I needed to replace the rum was hazelnut syrup from Torani. It was an inspired choice. The chicken tikka was also really good.

So now when I get my upcoming Cook's Illustrated and I see these two recipes, I'll know I was one of the people who had some small input into their final versions. How fun.